Sweet and Sour Jaded Musings

2012-02-12T15:23:00.010+08:00

I'm a Cult of Personality

Leo is a very confident 6 year old and is used to speaking in front of a thousand kids.

Tiger Mothers' Kids

Click the pix for larger picture.

On January 2 the schools I work for had what they refer to as a "group activity" for the children from all of our three schools. About 1,000 kids showed up at one of the big parks for this grand affair. They were divided by school and classroom and were all cute and atwitter in their uniforms. There were a few speeches and such from teachers, headmasters, foreign teachers and very bright students. All the while the kids stood in a formation that, while lacking in military precision and discipline, was still impressive for 3 to 6 year olds.

My teaching partner and I got them to holler "Good morning!", and "I"m fine, thank you!", and I got an inkling of what Hu Jintao must feel like when he comes out for some quality public time.

The kids had been rehearsing some dance moves and songs prior to the event, and they were led by teachers from up on the stage. The whole crowd moved, sang and danced somewhat in unison. The Chinese can really get a crowd performing in a pretty good way, even rugrats. It's a pleasant change from the chaotic crowds and traffic one experiences in a day to day basis.

Then the kids were treated to a Professional Fun Guy and his staff of fun folks. They did dances, songs, and games, or rather the younger staff did the movements, while PFG, who was a little rotund, was middle aged and had smoker's voice, did the commands.

Then their parents were called out to join the kids and the real fun began. They all got these big colored, inflatable vinyl weenies that they used in all manner of directed games. Everyone was laughing and having way more fun than would have been allowed 30 years ago. The entire Professional Fun show lasted about 90 minutes and was a remarkable experience for all, and great publicity for the schools. Things here are done on a massive scale, and that can include fun.

Christmas Show

2012-01-26T10:55:00.015+08:00

We have our cast.

Glee!

Frosty and Brian the World's Tallest Elf

Snow White and the Seven Tall Dwarfs

Frosty has treats!

He sees you when you're sleeping...

Don't kill Santa!

Merry Christmas!

Click the pix for larger picture.

Our new school will be opening in the middle of February. A lot of money has been sunk into remodeling an old government building to make a state of the art school where preschool kids get a strong foundation of skills to groom them for the rigors of the Chinese school system.

During the month of December we worked to promote the school with lots of publicity and some big events. Since it is an "international school", they wanted us to have a Christmas show.

First, we needed to decorate the school. Since Christmas is as alien to these folks as Chinese New Year is to Americans, they needed a crash course in what decorations to use. Fortunately, there is a street in our city where the shopkeepers have all loaded up on Christmas goodies. We took a group down to that street and had a heyday shopping. Once we had acquired a wealth of goodies, the teaching and administrative staff did a fine job decorating.

A talent search was conducted at one of our other kindergartens for kids who could sing, speak English, and who possessed the attention spans required to rehearse for long periods of time.

The show consisted of many shows and some games. There was a play of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", although the entire cast was pretty much dwarf sized. I read the "Night Before Christmas" with our teenage British friend who translated it into his excellent Mandarin. There was a traditional British family Christmas sketch, Frosty the Snowman, and several cute songs by the kids. I made a fool of myself as Santa Claus, with my son as the "World's Tallest Elf" and we did a duet of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".

The crowd was stoked. We then took our large bag of goodies to distribute and things got a bit sketchy. Chinese people do not politely queue up for anything. They crowd, and cut in and basically act like a bunch of American shoppers on Black Friday, sans pepper spray and tasers. This crowd was worse than some. I felt like a UN relief worker handing out food in Darfur. My Chinese assistant kept saying "move forward". Like one guy in a Santa suit was going to make headway through a couple of hundred parents and kids all vying for candy and mini teddy bears. When we ran out, I had a momentary sense of panic, but miraculously the crowd receded and we were able to gracefully exit to have our pictures taken by parents while posing with their cute rugrats.

It was a fun, successful event. We brought a bit of western culture to the Far East, and we introduced a new day on which children here can harass their parents for gifts.

Changes

2012-01-06T13:12:00.003+08:00

Since my blogging has been lagging lately I guess I have some ‘splaining to do. I actually have been very busy, but also my life has experienced a bit of an upheaval. Without going into great personal detail inappropriate to such a public venue as a blog, I’ll just say that I am now divorced and had to move to a new place. It was no fun.

I’m OK, though. I intend to stay here in China and work. I also will blog more. Really.

Our new apartment is in a less upscale neighborhood next to a middle school and we are surrounded by teachers and retired teachers. It’s much quieter, and there is a great pianist nearby who gives us lots of lovely music.

Our old place, although in a hi tone neighborhood, was in an older complex. The ground floor garages had been converted to small apartments that were occupied primarily by large extended families of what the locals refer to as “countryside people”. These peasant yahoos have a different type of lifestyle than the other city folk here. They spend much time outside their overcrowded abodes speaking in a tone that could best be described as hollering. They had an old motorbike with a bad muffler, and rambunctious kids who like to play loudly at nap time. They always comforted their screaming babies outside and kept chickens and roosters. I hate roosters, especially at 5 am on my day off. Good riddance, peasants!

The Best Kind of Roosters

Back from the Shadows

2011-11-23T12:02:00.001+08:00

“This bus driver has the driving technique of a meth crazed ferret”—Phone message from me to a friend.

It's been an awfully long time since I've posted anything here. I have plenty of excuses, and quite a number of good ones, but I'll save those for some other time.

I seem to still spend a lot of time on buses, and I send a lot of messages to friends recounting my reactions to the very weird stuff I see and experience.

I recently read that Steve Martin was doing a book of his tweets, I wondered if I could do something similar, which I could- if my name was Steve Martin and people were willing to pay to read any random thought that came into my head.

I do have a decent hand held device, and there is nothing like a Chinese bus stuck in rush hour traffic to inspire some keen observations.

I've been bouncing around to the various kindergartens that my employer owns, teaching rudimentary English to very cute children. The schools are much nicer than those I have been in my various teaching gigs. They are cleaner, and have a good staff to child ratio. Child safety is a top priority, and there is ample love in the institutions.

I have piled onto my regular schedule an ungodly amount of extra work so that my 'weekend' consists of Sunday afternoon and evening. However, my regular schedule isn't half bad. I am scheduled at one of 3 schools at 7:30 Monday through Friday. For half an hour I stand at the gate with other teachers to greet the kids. This is one of the highlights of my day. Then I have breakfast with some of the staff, which consists of porridge, noodles, or steamed buns, the same stuff the kids eat. It's not very exciting, but it has failed to make me fat or ill. I then cool my heels, doing lesson plans or reading until 9 am when I do two half hour classes. I am then finished until 3:45 pm when I return for two more 30 minute classes, followed by a short break. I then spend half an hour, between 5 and 5:30 saying goodbye. All in all it's an hour a day as a Wal Mart greeter for rugrats and 2 hours of class time. It also gives me a big fat midday break, so I can chill and rest up because I have night classes, and a 9 hour of classes Saturday. All of the extra lessons come from the fact that I have a good reputation and am in big demand. I did not seek out this work. It found me. I turn down jobs on a weekly basis. If a decent, qualified teacher came here, I could have them working full time next month.

Help wanted.

Must be willing to relocate to an alien place where most familiar things are non existent. (There is the possibility that some things may vaguely resemble something you might recognize.) Must be incredibly flexible or your head will explode. Patience is mandatory. Quick wits and reflexes a must. Must be willing to try anything. Love of kids and ability to pull a spontaneous lesson out of thin air is required. Also should have a high degree of tolerance for crowds, queue cutters, litterers, spitters, horns, bad internet, noise, squatty potties and being stared at. Helpful if you like constant surprises and weirdness.

The pay allows you to live in a very comfortable lifestyle, yet keeps you in a low tax bracket.

Control those Urges

2011-09-05T11:38:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Besides having the government dictating the number of kids a family can have, there are other institutional and cultural forces that combine to keep unbridled breeding from taking place. For example, the schools implement many policies, whether intentional or not that place many impediments in the way of youthful libidos.
The following article about school uniforms is an interesting case in point:

Controversial Uniform Change

Parental pressure has forced a technical school in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province, to give up its plan of changing its uniforms, fashioned after South Korean uniforms where it's trouser suits for boys and skirt suits for girls. It would seem that parents object to the new uniforms for being too provocative.

On January 15, a parent surnamed Cheng contacted the Jinling Evening Paper to inform them of the school's plan. Ms Cheng explained that her daughter, who is enrolled at the school, was really excited about it. But Ms Cheng didn't share her daughter's enthusiasm. "I am afraid that my daughter will fall in love too early if the school adopts the Korean style school uniform.

"My daughter told me that her school was going to purchase new uniforms -- Korean style with suits for boys and skirts for girls. My daughter not only said that wearing a skirt to school was her dream, but also starting discussing with her classmates which boy would look the most handsome in the new suit."

Ms Cheng added, "My daughter would be staring at boys all day if the Korean style uniform is adopted. These are adolescents. Uniforms will only make the opposite sex even more attractive to them during this very sensitive time. The sports-styled uniforms are better -- healthy and active."

A Mr Lin, an official with the school administration, told the Jinling Evening Paper, " Our uniforms are basically sports attire consisting of a tracksuit. The same design for boys and girls except for color. Students don't like them at all, and some parents think it's a waste of money.

"That's why we considered changing the uniforms last November. We polled the students for their opinions and found out that most of them liked the uniforms typically worn by children in South Korea and Japan. In China, too, some middle schools in Shanghai and Guangzhou have changed their uniforms."

in response to concerns that students would "fall in love too early", Lin agreed that the new uniforms are a lot more appealing than the sports attire.

However, the plan was canceled because too many parents were against it. According to Lin, some parents accused the school of trying to raise more money through the new uniforms, while others raised concerns such as girls catching colds in skirts, and the new uniforms posing a distraction from studies because they're too provocative.

The middle school I taught in has some interesting uniforms. Depending on which class you are in, you have several options. First is the royal blue polyester track suit. This had the advantage of being both hot in the summer and cold in the winter.
There are also the girl's white warm weather tops that had giant collars and were copied from a 1969 McCall's maternity smock pattern. These can be worn with the sweat pants, or equally fashion challenged polyester pants.
The least odious is the white polo shirt worn by both genders for that androgynous look, topped with a royal blue polyester unlined sport coat.
Hair must be short, shorter on boys.
There are efforts at individuality, cool glasses, shoes, watches, and layered winter wear being the primary fashion efforts. The effect was subtle.
If the school's intentions were to create a student body that appeared to be a mass of brainy dorks, then they can be said to be a smashing success.

After doing all they can to eradicate any vestiges of coolness, they then provide an environment that virtually eliminates any free time by filling in most waking hours with classes and study halls. They then pile on enough homework to encroach on sleeping and eating times, and create enough academic pressure to cool even the most ardent passions.

Throw in a complete lack of dances or any other opportunities for young men and women to get intimate, and you have succeeded in putting a major dent in something that many western countries struggle with--teen pregnancy.

One Family, One Child

2011-09-03T06:57:00.005+08:00

Vice President Biden was recently in China making pals with his Chinese counterpart, watching some basketball, and doing what he does best-yacking. During one of his windy exhortations, he made a comment about China's one child policy. I don't remember what exactly he said, and don't feel like looking it up, but it brought much hand wringing, hollering, clarifying, and general hoopla regarding the fact that he did not condemn, in no uncertain terms, this policy.

Upon arriving in China, the foreigner has many thoughts. I am not a mind reader, but I can be absolutely certain that the first thought that comes into their head, upon arriving, is not, "Say, this place could use some more people!" China has over 1.3 billion people. That is one billion more people than the United States. It has also experienced famine and poverty on a massive scale. I have heard accounts of cannibalism and babies abandoned in the forests because there was no food.

The population of the world is growing dramatically, and resources are becoming scarce. There is, and there will be famine, wars, and pandemics as a result of this. China's leaders recognized that their country was not capable of supporting the kind of population growth that Chinese culture is capable of producing, and enacted laws to control the birth rate.

Most Chinese couples are allowed to have only one child. There are exceptions. Farming families can have more than one child. Twins are OK. If your child dies, you can have another. If a couple are both single children, they can have two kids.

If you have a second child, and work for the government, or a government connected business you will lose your job. Other businesses might well fire you too. If you are self employed, as many people are, you can just pay the fine for another kid. At present, it's 30,000 RMB, too much for most people, but not for upper middle class folks. There are countless ways for people to cheat the system, and it happens fairly often, but the overall result is that the birth rate has slowed, and is no longer out of control.

There are many downsides to this program. There are forced abortions, forced birth control, and child abductions. There is a gender disparity in that there are more male kids than female. This is due to the illegal practice of gender selective abortions. There is also a concern among Westerners that there will be a great burden on the younger generation because they will have to support more elderly people. I think this is a bit overblown, since Chinese are generally very frugal and have a lot of money saved. They can save even more for retirement, since they are raising fewer children.

If China's population had continued to grow at the rate it was going, there would be more poverty, more pollution, and a lot less prosperity to go around. You would not see the same successes that you have today.

It's easy for Americans, with their wide open spaces, clean air, and cushy lifestyles to criticize the one child policy. But the future of the planet will be greatly impacted by the out of control population growth that is happening in the Third World. It cannot be sustained. The measures that China has taken will seem very humane compared to the alternatives.

The US Congress

2011-08-22T17:28:00.003+08:00

My father emailed me the following:

Congressional Reform Act of 2011

1. No Tenure / No Pension.

A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of

office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system

immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress

participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the

lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health

care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.

The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made

all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The

Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then

go home and back to work.

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!!!!!

It's difficult to tout the wonders of democracy to the citizens of a non democratic society when your government is a corrupt Clown Car that threatens to drive the world economy off a cliff to prove a political point, allows its citizens to continue to get screwed by Big Business, remains involved in pointless wars, can't seem to do anything to help people get back to work in decent jobs, and whores itself to the highest bidder.

By the way, feel free to cut and paste and forward the above to everyone you know.

Back in The Traffic

2011-08-18T16:24:00.002+08:00

We spent a month in the US, which was a great trip. I've been very busy since returning, mostly teaching classes day and night. It didn't take long to readjust to life here, especially surviving the daily challenges that Chinese streets bring. It brings to mind the old Atari game, Frogger, with the frog trying to negotiate various crossings without getting whacked.

In China, when crossing such a a two lane, two way street, the pedestrian makes a break for the center line as soon as there is a lack of cars coming from the left. You assume the motorcycles will dodge around you. If you stop to try and yield to them, it screws their timing up, and you risk getting hit. When the traffic from the right stops, you finish crossing.
While in Seattle, I was trying to cross such a street. Nobody was coming from the left, so I made a break for the center line. All the cars in the opposite lane came to a sudden stop to allow me to finish crossing. They actually yielded to the pedestrian!!!!! I was completely taken aback, and felt a little ashamed for making the mighty cars stop, but managed to finish crossing.

I never could feel completely comfortable taking walks in orderly, obedient American sidewalks and streets. After living here I have developed a kind of radar/eyes in the back of my head that keep me alerted to electric motorbikes silently zipping up behind me on the sidewalk, people driving against traffic, motorbikes using crosswalks, cars using sidewalks, and countless other vehicular idiocies that can cause injuries. Even in quiet, sedate Ashland, Oregon, I kept expecting some dick on a bald tired, blue smoke belching, motorcycle speeding out of nowhere with whiny horn blaring causing me to spring out of his way. I guess I have Third World Traffic PTSD.

A Journey

2011-06-27T12:28:00.006+08:00

I have a one month holiday, and what better way to spend it than to return to the homeland, an annual event that most foreign teachers in China participate in since the schools pay for it. The first leg of our journey is a 9 to 10 hour bus ride to Hong Kong. This is in a nice express bus with decent leg room, cold air conditioning, and a pit stop every two or three hours. The countryside is lush due to the heavy rains and when that gets boring there is "True Blood" on the laptop.
There are various bus way stations along the highway, and all serve a complimentary lunch that consists of a Styrofoam container of rice with a little vegetable and dubious meat on top. The Hong Kong bus stops at a real restaurant where the passenger sit down for a ten course meal for 25 RMB. We had chicken, white fish, squid, pork, baked yams, several vegetables, rice and tea. There is a guy from Japan in the group. He works for a seafood company and lives in Zhanjiang. I wonder what life is like for a foreigner who is not as obvious as me---until he opens his mouth.
I manage a nap and sleep through the mountains. I wake up in the Pearl River Delta area. We are on a big bridge going over a big toxic river that has gone through the manufacturing heart of China, and nearing Shenzhen and the border into Hong Kong.
Even though Hong Kong is now a part of China, it is still its own entity and you have to go through customs. Customs for the buses is basically a very nice, modern and air conditioned barn. You take all your belongings and wait in line to get departed by a Chinese official, then you wait in line to be welcomed by a Hong Kong official. The whole thing is about 45 minutes of quality line time. You then get back on your bus. It took another 45 minutes to get to our stopping place. Space is at such a premium in Hong Kong that they would never squander it on a bus station, so there is a side street that buses use that is near a subway station. We got off into a hot, late afternoon and humped our luggage down the stairs into marvelous and very busy subway system.
Our hotel, chosen online due to its proximity to the subway, is only a few stops away in Kowloon. I'd never stayed at this particular place, the Comfort Lodge, but my preferred accommodations were booked, and this one had the right price. Using my Google map, we find the right street, a narrow, one block affair, but there is no sign for the hotel. I find the address on a gateway, and a friendly dude came out and leads us in.
While we were being schmoozed by this guy, his underlings are working to cover their asses. They somehow missed the reservation that was made through an online booking company called Agoda. They get us a room at a place next door, that was OK except for the fact that there was only one bed, albeit a big one. Saturday evening during the summer is not a time to be trying to find a hotel in Hong Kong so I reluctantly accept. (I swear never to use Agoda or the Comfort Lodge ever again.)
This hotel has a door locking system that I had never experienced before. You don't get a key. Your room door locks electronically when you close it. When you return to the hotel, you push a button at the front door, they get a visual fix on you through a TV camera, buzz you in, then arrive at your room door with a key to open it. I forget the name of this place, and don't want to remember.
After this fun filled epic fail of the Hong Kong hospitality industry, we head out for dinner. Eating is always a sure thing in Hong Kong. We find a Thai restaurant a block away and have a great meal of pork satay, chicken curry and seafood and rice baked in a coconut. The last dish is a particularly yummy concoction with coconut flavor permeating the rice. A couple of large icy cold Singha beers and the days adventure becomes a bit more tolerable.
Mr. Schmooze from the hotel suggested we try taking the city bus that goes to the airport since it's the cheapest transport. It's only about 5 bucks, so after a crappy night's sleep, we are standing at the bus stop waiting. Sure enough, here it is. The bus has Wifi, and I'm able to diddle online while more passengers pile in at different stops.
The Hong Kong airport is very cool. It has the biggest shopping mall I've ever seen in an airport, but we don't have time to dawdle. It's Delta airlines to Tokyo and we get upgraded to business class. I take advantage of the great seat and legroom and try to regain some of the sleep I didn't get in the Discomfort Lodge.
Oh boy, Tokyo! I haven't been through Narita airport in a few years, but one of the things I remember is spending most of the layover waiting to go through security. Apparently the Japanese don't think that the security in any other airport matches theirs so everyone gets to wait in half a dozen looooong queues just to prove that their airport of origin detected all the cell phones and coins in their pockets, and large tubes of hand cream and Purel in their carry ons. (Nobody in Hong Kong or Tokyo has to take off their shoes! How can I feel safe on these flights?!?)
Surprise, there are virtually no lines at security! Well, not exactly surprise, since I had read that travel to Japan has dropped dramatically since the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear meltdown. We get through with plenty of time for lunch and a beer. We find a little cafe and get a couple of bowls of noodles and two beers. Japanese noodles are good, and the beer is icy cold Sapporo.
Narita airport also boasts the best toilet in the world. It has a heated seats, and a bidet that has electronic temperature and pressure adjustments. Unfortunately, I am unable to produce any action that would necessitate the use of this high tech wonder. I do ponder how a nation that could produce such a fine comfort device could allow such a nuclear fiasco to happen. I guess they got their priorities mixed up.
The Delta flight to Seattle is pleasant enough, and only 8 hours long. The personal movie systems stops working though, and the flight attendant announces that the hard drive has crashed. I'm just grateful that it isn't the plane's flight control system. I have a good book, my mini laptop loaded with True Blood episodes and enough fatigue to sleep a good 3 hours, so I don't mind about the movies. However, the airline feels so bad that they hand out hundred dollar vouchers good toward the next ticket with Delta. I'm a bit shocked, since it was only some movies, but they seem pretty intent on making everyone happy.
Customs in Seattle is a cinch, and after 10 months we are back in the US! There is one last leg on the journey though. My son and his family are out of town, and their home is over half an hour by car from the airport. I took a cab there one time and it was a $50 fare. The last thing I wanted to do was give fifty bucks to a rude Sikh again, so I hopped on Seattle's light rail which took me to the downtown transit tunnel where I transferred to a bus that took to within a block of their home. Woo hoo! I've arrived!
I stroll down to the local market and pick up some local whole grain bread, salami, chips, salsa, IPA, and Tillamook cheddar and have myself some quality time before the family arrives that evening.
Some post arrival reflections:
I check my bank statement and find that the noodles and beer in Tokyo cost thirty seven dollars. Note to self, know the yen to dollar exchange rate before spending any more money in Japan.
Delta is an OK airline, and is smart enough to have an attendant who is 6 feet tall, has silver blonde hair and ice blue eyes on their Tokyo to Seattle flight.
Why does Hong Kong, after being returned to China still drive on the wrong side of the road?

Chinese Fire Drill

2011-06-19T15:36:00.003+08:00

I have one week left to work at the Middle School. My time here is spent testing the 2400 students in the sophomore class on their pronunciation. It's a challenging process of trying to make an evaluation of each student in an abbreviated time. The classes this year have a little over 60 kids in a class, and I have 40 minutes to test them. I pass out test sheets with ten words or sentences and grade on a scale of 5 to 10 their pronunciation of the following sounds: "V", "Sh", "Th", and "L" when it appears at the end of a word. I also listen for them to finish words that end in "M" and "P".

For example, I use this sentence, "Everybody loves somebody sometime". A complete fail would be, "Errybody luz sunbody suntine." A couple of other common errors are "Meoh" for "Meal", and "Mudder" for "Mother". The last sentence is "It's time to stop," which often becomes, "Iss tine to stah."

Most of the students' primary language is Cantonese, which is completely different than Mandarin. Most words end in sounds that do not require the lips to compress, so M becomes N and P disappears completely. V is non existent, as well as Sh and Th. Since most of their English teachers are from this region, these errors are perpetuated. The lack of decent pronunciation can make an otherwise decent English speaker difficult to understand.

Most students do well, since I have been drilling this into them for the last semester, along with presentations on American culture, including basketball, school differences, Lady Gaga, guns, and eating habits.

I'm looking forward to my new job. The middle school has been an excellent experience, and I've enjoyed many of my students and classes. But it's factory teaching on a massive scale, and when you are the only foreign teacher, you are very limited to what you can do.

Bootlegging

2011-06-14T21:49:00.003+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Copyright infringement abounds in the Middle Kingdom. There are bootleg videos, CD's, sportswear, cosmetics, fashion, sports gear, sports clothing, electronics, watches, designer anything, software, and God knows what else. Bogus products, fakes, shams, copies, copies of bogus copies, and really crappy stuff with a poorly copied designer label.

It's a zillion dollar industry. Phil Knight would love all the Nike swooshes on every imaginable article of clothing. You can find Adidas, Nike, Converse, Levis and Calvin Klein all printed on the same garment. Fake iPhones and Windows operating systems are readily available. In my city it is nigh impossible to find a legitimate DVD. Everything is a copy.

American and European governments are decrying the lost revenues from all of this pirating. They have a legitimate gripe, but I'm afraid it's a losing proposition, like the American War on Drugs. It's an ingrained part of the culture here. The average person here is not going to spend a month's income on a real pair of Nikes, nor are they going to pay for a real iPod. Remember, this is the country that invented the cheap Chinese crap that you get at Wal Mart, and it's even cheaper here. I'm afraid that Apple, Nike, and all the other overpriced name brand companies will have to be content to sell to the well to do class. Those people do want the real thing, for that ever important face enhancement.

Children's Day

2011-06-09T08:25:00.008+08:00

June first is Children's Day. Primary schools get the day off, festivities abound, and kids get spoiled rotten. There was a big show at one of the parks that my future employer was involved in, and I took the day off to go.

It was a sweltering morning, with no breeze whatsoever. We set up tables to tout the kindergartens, and especially our newest offering, the International Kindergarten. There was a big show by kids from various schools, balloons, ice cream, soft drinks and junk food. Dozens of parents mobbed our table to find out about our school and even more kids swarmed for the free balloons on a stick (with the school name and number on them!). I spent the better part of two hours operating a cheap plastic hand pump filling balloons while sweat dripped off my nose. I was very professional!

Parents here are very concerned for their kids' futures and will get the kid enrolled in the best preschools and kindergartens, beginning the child's long journey to successful adulthood. That day we saw some very good performances from very small people, already showing hard work and discipline. Afterwards, they were rewarded with trips to McDonald's, movies, arcades, swimming pools, toy stores and any other kid decadence available in China.

Showtime!

Touting our school.

Baby getting her future planned.

While the Tiger Mother plans for her cub's future, the cub thinks "balloon".

Click the pix for larger picture.

Durian

2011-05-29T07:02:00.003+08:00

I woke up this morning, opened the bedroom door, and was assaulted by the smell of rotting garlic and bananas. Oh no, someone brought over some durian! Wikipedia describes it just fine right here. It's a unique fruit that grows locally and is really quite delicious. It's the only thing I've ever eaten that tastes completely different from the way it smells.

Our friend must have brought it over last night. I went to bed early and the missus closed up the place before bed. It's outside on the balcony now, and I bet the neighbors are getting jealous of our good fortune as the bouquet wafts around the apartment complex.

New Job

2011-05-24T06:57:00.003+08:00

I got a new job. I was wanting to get away from the grind at the middle school. I was tired of the long commuting adventures, the repetitive classes, and the cumbersome bureaucracy that seemed an entrenched part of this particular school.

I found a private school group that owns three upscale kindergartens and is opening a fourth. It will be an "International Kindergarten" emphasizing English. The classes are small, the facilities very nice, the pay is better, it's close to home, and best of all, the RESTROOMS ARE CLEAN.

I'll be teaching the same four classes every day, so the kids will actually be learning something from me other than pronunciation and idioms. I have had very good success in my kindergarten classes that I teach on weekends and evenings, and I'm excited about taking my methods to a real school.

The owners and I have been discussing our future plans, which include English education for students who want to study abroad and American travel tours.

Right now I'm going through the stress of job change in China. We are negotiating the visa hurdles, and I'm also planning my return trip to the US which will happen at the end of next month. I also have to finish my semester at the middle school, and get my travel reimbursement from them, which is always a treat.

I will miss some of my awesome students that I have taught, but I look forward to the thrilling days of full time rug rat herding.

RAIN

2011-05-14T20:18:00.003+08:00

We are in the rainy season now. It rained about a foot and during a 30 minute period late this afternoon. Streets flooded and I had a minor adventure getting home. I managed to get onto a packed bus, the kind that makes you feel like a refugee. The driver couldn't get any more people on, so he just blew past the bus stops until we reached a massive lake in the middle of an intersection. He brilliantly managed a U turn and took an alternate route that ended in a traffic jam about a ten minute walk from my home. I strolled home through ankle deep rivers, puddles and idling vehicles. We are in the middle of an epic traffic jam now, with every street around us packed with hapless vehicle owners.

Tiger Mother?

2011-05-14T19:56:00.001+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

What can I say?

Correction

2011-05-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

In order to protect the integrity of this blog, I must make a correction. This is important, otherwise people might stop believing what they read in blogs, and they might become no better than TV news, or the Washington Post.

I was talking to a student the other day about my friend's wife, and her superstitions about pregnancy. This student informed me that not washing your hair after birth was a Traditional Chinese Medicine practice, and thus a valid action, not to be confused with superstition.

Well excuse me!

I have been a happy recipient of some great Traditional Chinese Meds. My back guy is awesome, the nasty tasting teas for the common cold work great, as well. There are countless great practices, but there are some others that little more than snake oil, which you can also get here. Rhino horn as a boner enhancement is one that comes to mind.

Anyway, washing one's hair for a month after having a baby, even in August, is considered sound medical advice by some people, so I guess it doesn't fall under a superstition. Neither did bloodletting in its day.

Superstitions

2011-05-09T15:50:00.004+08:00

Chinese people are more than a little superstitious, and the locals here have a reputation for being fanatical in their beliefs. I've written about the number 4, and bus cooties, but a friend of mine brought to light an impressive array of beliefs surrounding pregnancies. He is a Canadian citizen who was born on Taiwan. While working in China, he met his wife, a local woman from Zhanjiang, and they are expecting their first child at the end of July.

Now being a modern Canadian guy who grew up in Toronto, it's a bit disconcerting to him to have to deal with an intelligent, well educated woman who has more than a few alien concepts about what to do regarding gestation and birth. He would like to move to a new place, but you can't do that, it's bad luck. You can't move the furniture around either. He wants to open a restaurant, but that is also taboo until after the baby is born. He told me that after the baby is born, his wife won't wash her hair for a month. (This will be during the month of August in a steamy, tropical climate!)

I verified these beliefs with my wife, who said that some women won't even take a bath for the first month after the birth. I guess that puts my friends wife in the more reformist camp of the local voodoo.

I've known a couple of women here who have given birth since I have moved here. Now I know why I never saw them for the first month after the baby was born.

2011-05-08T17:42:00.004+08:00

I was wondering what it would be like if I was on Twitter? If I was so self involved that I had to share every bit of inanity that went on in my daily life. There is no Twitter here, but if there was, and I deemed the world worthy of my awesome tweets they might go something like this:
May 6, 2011

5:46 Just woke up. Hate early classes. Muggy. Going to rain.
7:08 Got a seat on bus! Beat the hesitating cootie phobes! Woo hoo!
7:21 Need to get some photos of that market some morning. Very Chinesey.

7:31 Getting off bus, there's cigarette lady, with new hat, crossing street to g.pkmmm///kmkmkmlcvvb oiupf8;,;okl'/a'l;,............................................

May 7, 2011

9:12 In hospital. Got hit by motorcycle while tweeting. Teeth marks on cheek, broken rib, and many abrasions. This is my last Tweet.

Long Grind to Midterms

2011-04-27T10:18:00.005+08:00

Oh my! I haven't been writing lately. I know I've been busy. Teaching 30 classes a week all over a big city at all hours of the day and night can be a grind at times. There also hasn't been anything of particular interest happen that would inspire me to write something instead of watching a downloaded movie or reading a great fantasy series. However, it's midterm exam time followed by the Labor Day weekend and I have some free time.
I'm in the middle of a school change. I'm tired of commuting to the other part of town four days a week. I spend the better part of 2 hours every day either on the bus, waiting for a bus, or walking to and from the school from the bus stop. I would also like something a little less of a grind. Since I'm the only foreign teacher in my school I teach the same lesson to 39 classes over a two week period. The opportunities are many. There are very few foreign teachers in this city and I have a choice between several different schools. My first choice is taking its sweet time making a decision, and I have several other schools who have said they would hire me, so I'm in Limbo at the moment. I need to act fairly soon since my school will probably be approaching me soon to sign a contract for next year.
Since there are thousands of teachers in the US losing their jobs, they might consider making a move to another country to teach. The opportunities are there.

Smoking Ban

2011-03-25T14:16:00.002+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Effective May 1 of this year there will be an indoor smoking ban of sorts in China. The ban will include restaurants and hotels. There will also be an education push to try to get fewer people to smoke. This should be interesting.

If you are a man in China, there is a 68% chance that you are a smoker. Only about 4% of women smoke. Dudes like their smokes here. They smoke anywhere they damn please, in spite of signs posted. They don't follow traffic laws, what makes you think they are going to start obeying non smoking rules? I've seen them light up in hospitals, in elevators, on buses, and even in an airplane, although that guy got in a heap o' trouble. In fact you can tell you're on a Chinese airline because of all the coughing.

There are enough loopholes in this law to drive a cigarette boat through, and penalties are basically non existent. However, it is part of a fledgling effort by at least some parts of the Chinese government to at least encourage people to be non smokers.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time...

2011-03-22T17:21:00.002+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

While searching for pictures of kids in a park in China I came across this photo and article. I didn't use it for my preschool lesson, but I thought it might make a good blog entry, especially if I want more traffic on this site!!!

This is an older article and I imagine the sculpture has long ago been removed, otherwise it could be worth a detour on my next trip to Hong Kong.

Squatty Potty Part 2

2011-03-21T23:25:00.004+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

This is so wrong. I can check on my stats page to see which postings get the most traffic and this subject is by far the biggest. Lots of people around the world seem to have a strong hankering for postings about the squatty potty. If I was getting money for the number of hits I get on this subject this entire blog would be dedicated to non seated toilets throughout the emerging and third world countries. Let me be accommodating. A commode dating service! (sorry)

My first squatty potty experience was as a lad camping. You dug a hole in the ground and tried to hit it.

Since I camped in primitive areas a lot this was no big deal. I was one with my ancestors. My first experience with a true squatty potty was in my college days when I was an exchange student in Japan. One of my host families had one and after only one miss on my maiden voyage I became quite the marksman.
Our apartment has two bathrooms. One has a western style toilet, suitable for a contemplative, book reading experience and the other has the squatty potty. The SP also has the shower, which is a hand held jobby. You hose yourself all over the bathroom with water going both down the loo and a floor drain. We mop up afterwards. It's actually very practical, both in space saved and cleanliness.
The squatty potty is a remarkable device. It can be flushed with a bucket of water, it is easy to clean, and does not require a plumber to maintain it. It is the main tool in most of the world for dealing with human waste disposal.
However, it is not the best system for overweight, constipated people with bad knees, so it will probably never find its way into the American bathroom. Americans will continue to use their thrones, suitable for a Trump or Forbes, as well as a Rodriquez.

Random Thoughts

2011-03-20T09:51:00.005+08:00

I've been very busy since school has started again, but last night was very restful and I have enough energy to put semi coherent thoughts down again.

*There was a horrifying earthquake and tsunami this week in Japan. Adding to the already heartbreaking tragedy has been an out of control nuclear fiasco at the Fukushima nuclear power plant.

Japan gets a lot of credit for being a very smart country, but I have to take exception. How smart is it to build nuclear power plant in one of the most earthquake prone countries in the world? On top of that, they build it at sea level. What could possibly go wrong, right? Weren't they thinking about tsunamis? I read The Big Wave when I was a kid. It's about a tsunami that wipes out a village in (you guessed it) Japan! The word "tsunami" which we all use now instead of "tidal wave" is a Japanese word that has become a part of the world vocabulary because it happens a lot, and Japan is famous for them!

*The US has joined NATO in bombing Libya's loony leader in order to thwart him in his effort to maintain power in his oil sodden patch of desert. We are supporting the rabble whose membership is unknown to us but are reported to include anti American elements. We already have two wars going on, and we are laying off teachers, police and firefighters, but hey, Hat Trick!

Meanwhile in Bahrain, pro democracy protesters are being gunned down but it's OK because Bahrain is our ally.

*When I help our 12 year old with his English homework I am struck by how strangely they try to teach English here. There appears to be a deliberate effort to make it a lot more difficult than it should be. There are multiple choice grammar questions involving seldom used phrases that Will Shortz would happily include in the puzzle page of the New York Times. They also make it extra interesting by occasionally making none of the answers correct, so that you have to rely on your psychic powers to divine the intention of the scholar who was responsible for this brain buster. Meanwhile, no effort is made to actually teach the kids to speak English. Instead they are preparing them to take tests which consist of hundreds of questions just like these. Meanwhile I have sophomores in the top high school in the region who are challenged putting a three word sentence together. Job security for me!!

*When you think of the Cheap Chinese Crap that Wal Mart sells in the US, remember that the Cheap Chinese Crap that discount stores sell here is crappier. In fact, the stuff at Wal Mart here looks pretty good!

*I hope they don't use Cheap Chinese Crap when they build their nuclear power plants and high speed trains!

*iPods are made in China.

Japan

2011-03-20T09:09:00.003+08:00

It's been a week since the Japanese earthquake, tsunami and nuclear fiasco. Even though we are about 2,000 miles (3,200 km) from Tokyo, it's still a lot closer than Oregon.

I've made it a topic of discussion in my middle school classes since I thought it might be an opportunity for the kids to reassess the rabid anti Japanese sentiment that is always roiling beneath the surface.

When Japan invaded China in WWII the army committed unspeakable atrocities on the civilian population. Much of China, including Zhanjiang, was occupied by the Japanese. The Japanese government's failure to properly atone for the countless atrocities committed throughout Asia during the war has caused deep resentment and hostility everywhere their bootprint was left.

A recent incident involving a Chinese fishing boat and Japanese Coast Guard Ships in some disputed islands revived these resentments among the Chinese citizenry, with large anti Japanese demonstrations, and lots of hostility in the Chinese press and blogosphere.

By showing pictures of the suffering and massive damage I was hoping that I could at least show the students that the people who are suffering are no different from themselves. They are not the savage brutes who invaded their country, nor are they the hamfisted government that has prominent members pay homage at the Yasukuni Shrine, a Shinto shrine dedicated to the spirits of fallen soldiers including those responsible for WWII atrocities.

Interesting discussions have followed, including some students who said that their history teachers have told them that they need not feel sorry for the Japanese. It appears I may have been a good counter to these teachers who dwell in the past.

Asian News

2011-03-04T17:14:00.002+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

After living in Asia a couple of years, I've started to pay a lot more attention to the news in the region, and I pay less attention to the news back in the US. The news here is more interesting anyway. When you border places like North Korea, India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Russia, Kyrgyzstan, and all those other unusual places the news can be quite thought provoking.

Last month a tour boat sank while anchored in calm waters in Halong Bay in Vietnam, tragically drowning 11 young foreign tourists. The "captain" was 21 years old and the cause was a massive influx of water due to human error.

In India yesterday laid off workers from a steel mill torched a manager in his jeep, taking labor/management relations to an entirely more hellish level.

I often get my daily dose of the happenings in Asia on my phone during the bus ride to work, using Yahoo news, since it has the best service in this part of the world, and since it's based in Singapore, it has more candid coverage of events than we might get from China Daily, although as newspapers go, it doesn't strike me as all that different from USA Today, neither being particularly probing or thought provoking.

Anyway, I do keep up on the news from the US, although spend less and less time following the mind boggling spectacle of the wealthy criminal class going Scott free for destroying much of the economy with their illicit money games, while the rest of the country flails around trying to figure out how put things right.

December Morning

2011-02-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

Tai chi by the water

Blossom and Moon

Click the pix for larger picture.

Sometimes I love the morning commute. I walk through this park every day and at the end of last December it was mild and still. It isn't quiet, since there are several groups of people doing morning Tai chi chuan, and also noisy aerobics with crappy boom boxes. There is also a ballroom dance group too. But it's still lovely.

Later in the morning, after 10 or so, is the nicest time. There are few people, and it's quite peaceful. It's one of the good bird sanctuaries, so you get some nice music, the way God intended.

Very Bad Luck

2011-02-19T18:04:00.004+08:00

In Guangdong Province, where I live, the number four is very unlucky. Luck is much more meaningful in this land of chronic Mahjong addiction and bus cooties. Compassionate belief in luck rather than personal responsibility is the leading cause of suicidal motorcycle riders. People here avoid the number four like they avoid public trash can use. The reason is linguistic.

Guangdongwa (Cantonese language) is the prevalent language here even though Potonwa (Mandarin) is the official Chinese language. It is a completely different language from Mandarin and has more tones than a Nokia cell phone. It is apparently impossible for almost anyone to learn beyond childhood. I know Chinese people from outside the region who have lived here 20 years who have never been able to learn the language. The language lacks many consonants so common in English, which gives me great job security. They have no "sh","r", "v", "th", and their words do not end in the letter "l". I may seem to digress, but the reason four is bad luck is because of tones and an unfortunate choice of a syllable.

The number four and the word "death" are the same except for a slight difference in intonation that in virtually indecipherable to the foreign ear. One, two, three, DEAD, five, six, etc. This goes for other numbers with four in it like "deadteen","deadty","dead hundred and deadty dead", etc. People will avoid living in an apartment with a four in the number, and will almost never purchase one. They are convinced, just as sure as you will get bus cooties from a warm bus seat, that premature death will occur if you live there. (We live in #404 and are still alive two years later.) By all means, you want to avoid hospital room or bed that has a four in it.

You wonder what they were thinking when this language was evolving. When they got around to forming the concept of numbers, why in the world would they come up with dead to mean number four? Did they run out of sounds by the time they got to numbers? Maybe they just needed a number to mean something bad since they are so superstitious.

In English we have our own number quirks. One (I won!), two (I just went #2), three, four, five, SEX!

New Years Lanterns

2011-02-18T17:29:00.002+08:00

You light the fuel, make a wish and off your lantern goes. It's best done in concrete cities in damp weather.

A Private Show

2011-02-18T17:22:00.003+08:00

One misty morning in the park I heard some music and found these two guys in an old courtyard.

Why China?

2011-02-15T16:49:00.009+08:00

Nobody ever consults me about moving to China to teach English. Ever. But if someone were to do so, I would tell them that it's not for everyone, in fact it's barely suitable for anyone. Or at least anyone who is an American.

For one thing, you give up virtually everything American when you come here. There is no Taco Bell, Subway, Burger King, Doritos, Ben and Jerry's, Big Gulp drinks, micro brews, DirecTV, large selection of you favorite TV shows, high speed unrestricted internet, American sports on TV except NBA, chocolate cake, cans of frosting, non processed cheese, Costco, Home Depot, Pep Boys, Mexican food, tortillas, tomato juice that isn't sweet, granola, whole grain bread, sour cream, whipped cream, fudge topping, drive through anything, or good pizza.

If you are a big guy it's difficult to find clothes. If you have big feet, it's nearly impossible to find affordable footwear. If you love wide open spaces with no people, stay in Montana. If you have a problem with line cutting and horn honking then you would best remain in Mayberry.

Americans have problems with things like chopsticks, squatty potties, taking their shoes off when going inside, sharing space, and not being able to get their way. They like things to be orderly and make some sort of sense. Things can be very chaotic, and you sometimes are amazed that anything ever gets done. If you cannot exist without efficiency then this place would drive you rabid dog mad. If you can't live without pot, forget it.

If you are a church going Christian, be prepared for a Mandarin service. Jewish services? Only in the mega cities. Buddhism has you covered, though.

Why would you want to move here?

It's an exciting place. The economy is booming and people are very optimistic about the future. If you really need a job, you can teach English.

If you are good at it, you can make a good living and a good life here. You are unique and special. In a way, you are a star. People say "hello" to you all the time. This can be good or annoying, depending on your mood. It is an adventure. If you are tired of the same old over regulated, protected, safe, clean, even surfaced, predictable life then this might be the place for you. In spite of what Americans may think, many things about this country are rather Libertarian. You can ride without seatbelts, helmets, or kids in carseats. You can smoke virtually anywhere.

It's a very old culture, and many of its values are why it has existed for so long. Life centers on the family, and the strength of the families is the strength of the country. I am always moved by the grandparents, who live with their kid, playing with their toddling grandkids in the park. They are the primary caregivers in a country where both parents work.

Many Western rules and conventions are non existent, such as queuing, or answering your cell phone during dinner, and traffic laws are mere suggestions. However there are deep social mores that transcend the society's penchant for scofflaw behavior. Drug problems, murder, and robbery happen in a very small part of the population. Divorce, unwed mothers, and obesity are not common.

For those of questionable morals, pirated DVD's abound, and you will never pay for a song again.

The food is great. Public transportation and taxis are plentiful and cheap. It's exotic, weird and very stimulating. You will be surprised every day.

I don't know a ton of foreigners here. The ones I do came here for many reasons, but mostly because they wanted something less mundane in their lives. Losers and lowlifes don't seem to do well here, they go to Cambodia, Thailand, or stay in Cleveland or El Centro.

Back to School

2011-02-15T12:16:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

It's 50 degrees and raining and the new semester has started. The 7 am outdoor flag raising ceremony and inspirational speech from the headmaster was canceled. Since they abuse the kids enough with school work, they must have opted to keep pneumonia out of the torture mix. Too tough even for the offspring of Tiger Mothers.

The above photos were taken last September on very warm morning, a fine time for a flag ceremony. If they had the ceremony yesterday in the cold rain, 6,000 umbrellas would have blocked what view could be seen in the half light of the dark gray morning. Instead, the kids went to their classrooms where they were rallied to excel by the headmaster over the intercom.

I began my first classes later in the morning, hoping that I could follow such motivating force. I needn't have worried, the first class I walked into had 3 boys with their heads down on the desk napping. They snapped to once their mates gave them a smack on the back of the head, always a great inspiration.

No Child Policy

2011-02-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

Did these guys have Tiger Mothers?

Redgrass

2011-02-14T21:10:00.001+08:00

This is way cool:

Sweet and Sour Jaded Musings: Fishing

2011-02-14T18:00:00.000+08:00

Sweet and Sour Jaded Musings: Fishing

Click the pix for larger picture.

Music Video

2011-02-14T17:02:00.002+08:00

OK, I'm learning how to put a Youtube video on my blog. If this works, then we have some enhanced bloggage!

Rich Folks

2011-02-13T09:34:00.003+08:00

Well Connected

Poorly Connected

Click the pix for larger picture.

We went to a wealthy "village" the other day. It's an enclave surrounded by farms and the residents are very well off. The breadwinner spends his time in places like Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Hong Kong and Shanghai where they accumulate wealth. The residents are often from this area, but since the big bucks are elsewhere they only come here on holidays and such. They most likely own a home in any number of places.

Surprisingly, the homeowners welcomed us into their homes so we could gawk at their splendid lifestyles and enhance their already outsized face. In the US we would have been met by Dobermans. security personnel, or perhaps blazing firearms.

Communism is dead in this country in case you hadn't gotten the word.

Urban Farms

2011-02-09T22:52:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

There are no suburbs here. You go from city to farm land. Feeding 1.3 billion people is serious work and you cannot do it by American style suburban sprawl. Farming in this part of the world is done intensively by hand. The biggest piece of farm machinery I have seen around here is a very big rototiller. Plows are pulled by buffalo. Really. They may be catching the attention of the world with high speed trains, but the food is grown by hand.

Throughout the city there are still plots of land that are being farmed. There is even a big city park that has a strawberry field in it. We eat very fresh produce, that has been grown very close to here. It may not be organic, but it is fresh and was grown and delivered using a minimum amount of petroleum products.

Farming is better here than in most parts of China. There are 3 growing seasons, the land is fertile, water is plentiful, and the soil is good. A farmers life is never easy, but there are farmers here who have prospered. They grow vegetables, rice, fruit, chickens, ducks, pigs, and some have branched into fish and shrimp farming.

I appreciate having the kind of fresh food that we have here. The chicken I eat was running around recently. The green veggies were picked yesterday. The fruit came from the next town. The shrimp are still flopping around.

The contrasts here are remarkable. I can get honked at by a black Mercedes with dark tinted windows, get on the bus and sit down next to a sunburnt woman who has a bamboo pole and two baskets full of bananas.

An Awesome Bridge

2011-02-09T16:54:00.003+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

This is our bridge. I went over this bridge every day for my first teaching job. I can glimpse it on my way to work each day and it still impresses me. It is a work of art.

What People Really Like

2011-02-08T23:55:00.004+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

I'm concerned about humanity. When I look at my stats for the past year the most viewings I have received have been for my brief article about squatty potties. It seems that people are more interested in the toilet culture than in Tiger Mothers or Bus Cooties. As an experiment I will now post several pictures of Chinese toilets just to see how many hits I get. I will avoid the odious ones I get when I search Google for Chinese toilets. You can do that yourself. I will let you know the results.

Supah Bo!!!!

2011-02-07T18:35:00.012+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

The Super Bowl was broadcast live at 7 am today (Monday because we live in the future). I rolled out of bed at 7:30, found the right channel, got a cup of tea and began to watch. I lacked beer, nachos, dips, cheese, salami, salsa, chips, and all the other fat based snacks vital for the true Super Bowl Experience, but I still enjoyed the game. For one thing, it's the only football game of the year that is broadcast on Chinese TV. We have NBA but no NFL, so it's a real treat to see my favorite sport on something other than Youtube highlights.

It's a surreal experience. You have Chinese announcers and they manage to dim the crowd noise so that it's just a kind of muffled white noise. The commercials are the same lame ads you see any time, but they are not as frequent. Instead they show some cool hi-light films. No problem there.

I hate the Steelers. I've always hated them, but that Neanderthal rapist douche Roethlisberger adds a nice extra dose of loathing to my feelings about this team. Sometimes rooting against a team is just as meaningful as rooting for one.

Plus, I've always liked the Packers.

The Chinese announcers really knew their football and they did a bang up job pronouncing Big Douche Ben's last name correctly (although "Loathisboogah" would have been OK by me). It was great to hear them say "Aiiyoh!" when an interception was thrown, which happened a couple of times by The Teutonic Twerp. He dug them a pretty good hole, then a couple of key Packers got injured, the receivers forgot how to catch for a while, and Pig Pen managed to get them within spitting distance a couple of times, but sometimes God does get involved in a football game, and Mr. Molester and his pack of thugs just couldn't pull it off. They ate some crow in front of the cameras and slunk back to their vermin ridden lairs to lick their wounds, nurse their over inflated egos and try to justify their over hyped existences to themselves. The harder they come, the harder they fall. You can run, but you can't hide. Hasta la vista, baby.

Game over. I'm not bloated or drunk, and having the team you most despise lose the Super Bowl is almost as good as having your favorite team win.

Video links:

Football on TV

Commercials not worth remembering

Fishing

2011-02-07T15:08:00.006+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

This is a more popular beach outside of the small city of Wuchuan. Since it was a nice day, there were more than a few city folks making the scene. Swimming was definitely a possibility, but nobody was doing more than dipping their feet in the water. Chinese people are real novices to the joy of beach life.

Local fisher folk were plying their trade, oblivious to the gawkers. A group of women were putting away their extensive net system. A boat tows the long net out through the surf, then the ancient bulldozer with a spool on the back helps reel it in with the catch. These folks have been doing something like this in a collective manner for probably thousands of years. Farmers and fisher folk in this region still exist living a more traditional life in and among the modern growth technology. We're lucky that they do. Our food is fresh, local and unprocessed.

Flowers

2011-02-04T22:28:00.003+08:00

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Even though it's been unseasonably cold they have managed to get the flowers out. This is from the old park near my school.

FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-03T12:09:00.014+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Last evening we went for a stroll to the local Ground Zero for fireworks. There is a big, open field by the water that is prime fireworks real estate. Instead of an organized display like you get in the US, this is a free for all. Local citizens load up on all kinds of cool ordinance, stake a place out and start blasting away. These are true laissez faire fireworks, free from government interference and nanny state wussiness.

My home town in the US banned all private fireworks last year. I think they still allow sparklers, but they have even banned everything else that is legal in the state of Oregon--Little Roman candles and such. They out nannied a nanny state and there was nary a wimper from the limp wristed, spineless weenies that are all that remain of a once proud populace that once loved a good conflagration on the Nation's birthday.

A strong nation can handle powerful fireworks. They endure third degree burns and missing digits which are the hallmark of a mighty people.

Say What??

2011-02-03T00:33:00.003+08:00

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We went on a few amusement park rides today. After reading this, I opted to stay off since the rules were far too restrictive. I also knew that I have job security for years to come.

This Place Can Be Crowded

2011-02-02T00:48:00.005+08:00

"Wo Ma" (Wal Mart)

Blurry phone photo under duress in a mob like situation.

Click da picture to make it bigger
Spring Festival crowds are much worse than Christmas crowds. There are at least 1.3 billion people here and at least half were at Wal Mart today. Getting there was a little thrilling too since everyone who drives has decided to go out and clog the streets with their antics. Intersections become clogged by cars trying to go at the same time. Two lane streets become one lane because drivers become shoppers and park their cars in the street turning two lanes into one. Walking was the optimal mode of transportation. We got off of our bus before a huge traffic clot and left it behind on foot. I believe it eventually made it through. Staying home is an excellent option that few seem to choose.

Holiday's a Comin'

2011-01-31T10:42:00.007+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Spring Festival/Chinese New Year (Chinese New Spring Year Festival, or CNSYF) fast approaches. The past month has seen endless preparation: fresh flowering plants in the medians, lights, decorations, bunnies, and big displays in the parks, roundabouts, department stores and anywhere else there is open space. Things are getting cleaned, cleaned and cleaned, which is a never ending task given the populace's penchant for littering. Every stationer, small market and department store has become a purveyor of CNSYF decorations. Parties are happening, firecrackers are detonating, and everyone is in a great mood, even some bus drivers.

There are some great traditions here and I've participated in a few myself:

Lucky Money Envelopes ->

The first is Lucky Money. Lucky Money is given to kids in little red envelopes. Parents give them to their kids, teachers give them to students, people give them to nieces, nephews, grandkids, friends' kids, etc. I've given 5RMB notes to rugrats and 100RMB notes to special, awesome kids. It's fun!

Another tradition that I like is oranges. We grow great citrus in this region and I love the tangerines. Tangerine, orange and kumquat trees are also a big deal. Florists and purveyors of pottery also abound and prosper.

I also like the parents who give gifts to the teacher a lot. Generally this is good tea, or yummy sweet treats. Teachers fatten up a bit this time of year.

Another tradition that kind of sucks is price gouging. The price of all food goes up, taxi fare become negotiable, the price of a haircut doubles, etc.

There are some great floral displays going up in the entrances of parks around the city only slightly marred by the display of cartoon rabbit figures that I'm sure were pirated directly from Hallmark Easter cards. Still, they are pretty cool.

Flying Kites Is Not Kid Stuff

2011-01-30T09:31:00.005+08:00

Dude, babe alert!

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It was a beautiful afternoon yesterday, and although it was a little cool, the temperature down at the waterfront was quite warm. However, anything below 80 degrees is considered frigid if the clothing on the locals is any indication. There were a few kite enthusiasts out. Kite flying is a favorite hobby here, but not with the kids. They're too busy studying to have any fun. It seems to be most popular with the old guys. Probably because there aren't any golf courses here.

Bunnies!!!!!

2011-01-28T09:48:00.005+08:00

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We are in the final days of the Year of the Tiger, which is a really cool year. Tigers are awesome! Tiger Woods is an awesome golfer and sex machine. Tony Tiger rocks the corn flake world. Hobbes!!! Tiger Mothers! You can be eaten by a tiger!

Soon it will be the Year of the Rabbit. Now rabbits are not nearly as awesome as tigers, but are more so than you might think. Read "Watership Down", then tell me that rabbits are wimps. You can't! And as you can see, there is Spider Bunny!

This year may not be as beastly as the previous year, but it looks like it will be a lot cuter.

All Work and No Play.....

2011-01-27T11:48:00.003+08:00

The New York Times seems to have jumped on board my bandwagon about kids in China spending too much time in structured, rote education and not enough time playing. There is a great article here about how in a few schools here they are realizing that there are gaps in a kid's development when you force him or her to spend all of their waking hours in high pressure, competitive, schooling.

It's interesting how contrasting the American and Chinese education systems are, and are a great reflection of our two cultures. There are so many things that we can teach each other, things that could greatly improve our societies. Many of the issues facing our two countries are based on cultural roots. Americans have grown very self indulgent. They declare wars, but don't share in the sacrifice. They want government services, but fail to recognize that those services need to be funded. The want things, but are unwilling to save for them. They seem unable to plan for the future. They have apathetically allowed our democracy to be hijacked by the wealthy and special interests.

Chinese people are very competitive. Winning and face are everything. They push their kids to the point of suicide. They neglect their kids' emotional well being at times in their quest to be the best. Appearances are a priority and often hide deeper problems. They don't have enough fun and creativity is often stifled.

I have felt that the more interactions our two countries have, with student exchanges, travel, and working in each others' countries would greatly benefit both places. Americans could use a good injection of Confucianism and Chinese could use a good injection of American creativity.

Chinglish Again

2011-01-25T21:16:00.004+08:00

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CHINESE TIGER MOTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-25T17:18:00.006+08:00

Amy Chua actively parenting her kid.

TIGER MOTHERS FEED KIDS LIKE THIS TO THEIR KIDS

There has been a lot of words written and spoken lately on the book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Yale law professor and self described best mother in the world, Amy Chua. There is a brief article by her in the Wall Street Journal describing her parenting style, which could best be described as a coddled, slacker American kid's worst nightmare. Quick, read the article here!!

Now I work in Chinese schools and I am around a lot of Chinese parents. She does represent one type of super parent, but I think she is a tad arrogant when she speaks for the entire nation of mothers as if they are all like her. Some are, some are meaner, some are easier, some ignore their kids, and some totally spoil their kids so they end up being lazy, non productive douches. However, the point is that the Chinese culture mostly demands a lot more from their kids and most parents demand a lot from their kids, and many mothers, including my wife take a very active role in their kids' education. Fun is a very small part of a kid's life, and they mostly work their tails off trying to be the best. They are kicking serious American hiney in Math and Science scores.

I've read quite a few rebuttals about her book, and a pretty good one is here. Some of things lacking in Chinese kids' upbringing and education are creativity, human relationship skills, and just being able to figure out how to solve an every day quandary that is not a test question.

There are some American child rearing techniques that drive me nuts, though and I experienced the net results of these when I used to supervise crews of young adults. There was a pervasive sense of entitlement from too many, and many did not understand that there were consequences for their crappy work habits.

One of the reasons for this is that too many American parents accept mediocrity and praise it, in fact praise everything from C+ grades from a bright student to not getting kicked out of a class for 3 weeks in a row. "Gee, Travis that is so great that you came home right after school today and only watched 2 hours of TV!!! That is so wonderful! You are awesome!!!!"

The kids I teach in the top ranked middle school may have pencil arms, can't dance, don't have driver's licenses, and dress dorky, but virtually all will have good careers and will take care of their tiger mothers in their old age. Or else their mothers will eat them.

THIS IS TIGER'S MOTHER, WHICH IS DIFFERENT.

***I don't want anyone to confuse the title with "Tiger's Mother". She is from Thailand, and even though he is a truly awesome golfer, he is a total failure as a husband.

Spring Festival, The Year of the Rabbit 2011

2011-01-23T14:35:00.004+08:00

It's the year of the Rabbit!

Spring Festival. It takes place in late January or early February, this year it's February 3. Don't ask me why an event that takes place in the dead of winter is called Spring Festival, but they have a way with words here. Kind of like calling massive starvation The Great Leap Forward. (oh wait, they did that!) Anyway, Americans call it Chinese New Year, which it also is, but they prefer that Spring name instead.

Kids are out of school now, although they have lots of homework to ensure that they be somewhat miserable during the holiday, since enduring hardship is integral to the Chinese character. This is also the time of perhaps the largest mass exodus in the world, where hundreds of millions of people take to the roads, railroads, and skies to get back to their loved ones. I've taken a bus to and from Guangzhou during this time and it was a long, slow journey broken up by stops at incredibly crowded bus comfort stations that made me feel like I was part of the population trying to flee Shanghai ahead of the Japanese invasion.

Firecrackers are already going off here and there and once again I am grateful that they don't allow the people to have Glocks.

It's been pretty cold since Christmas, with temperatures mostly in the 50's and dropping down to the 40's at night. It looks like it's supposed to warm up, though. Winter lasts about 6 weeks here, so I think I'll hold off buying any new warm clothes.

Mr. Hu Goes to Washington

2011-01-21T22:06:00.003+08:00

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You might be aware that Hu Jintao has gone to Washington DC to have a chat with Barack Obama and other American Power Rangers. He has been wowing the press with his unscrupulous ways and everybody with a keyboard, microphone, or camera in front of their face has an opinion about just what the heck China is up to and why we are more awesome/sucky than them.

I've been following it pretty closely between lessons, shoe shopping and cool wedding shows and I have a few opinions of my own as to which country sucks more in different categories.

Manufacturing: China rocks, US sucks.
National debt: US rocks, we have way more debt!
Military: US rocks. We spend waaaaaay more on weapons of mass destruction and can totally extend conflicts much better. They have lots more soldiers though.
Internet freedom: China sucks.
Education: China kicks our butts in math, science and reading comprehension, but we are more creative, and our school sports totally rule.
TV: The US is light years ahead of China.
Human Rights: China treats some people very unfairly. So does the US.
Standard of living: USA!!!! Except for those who don't have work, are losing their homes, pensions, or investments. They need to move to China.
Freedom of the Press: US better, but is going mad, so that incoherent ravings are taking the place of facts. The news coverage from the government controlled Chinese press is generally not that different from ABC.
Cool trains: China rocks.
Massive construction projects: China.
Movies: USA!!!!
Banking: US banks are much mightier, so that even our government will do their bidding. Chinese banks are babies that do what they are told.
Mexican Food: Non existent in China!!!!!!!!
Chinese Food: China totally rocks this, but they don't have fortune cookies or that pink sauce you dip the shrimp into.

There are some other things, but you can follow that stuff in the news. When I see some of what is said, I'm not sure these pundits and politicians have any idea what in the world they are talking about, but hey, it's a free country!

Wedding Fashion Show

2011-01-18T18:29:00.011+08:00

Old Style Wedding

The Emcees Hammered

Whoa, dorky hat alert!

Eggplant colored shirt and knickers.

Rahoolio the Matador Love Master

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One of the advantages of being a foreigner in this city is sometimes you get invited somewhere just because you are a foreigner. Last night we were invited to attend a big gala dinner. The hosts own four upscale wedding shops. My friend Ian gives their son private English lessons. They like him a lot, and told him to invite a bunch of his foreign friends, their spouses and families. We were there as much for show and face as anything, but I don't mind, especially when it involves a lavish dinner and show.

The dinner was a multi course affair that seemed to never end. There was braised lamb, peppered beef, big old prawns, tempura fried sea worms, black mushrooms, and tons more. They served Chilean Cabernet which was toasted to major excess.

There were professional emcees and a live comedy show.

In some ways this was a very un Chinese event. This was all for the employees and satellite businesses. There was a lot of money and love expended to show the owner's appreciation for those who have helped them attain success. There were lots of gifts, tearful speeches and hugs. Also lots of toasts. Oh my God!

It was obvious that the couple who owned the businesses were very connected with their people, and that their people loved them. There is a lot of money to be made in the wedding business. People spend obscene amounts of money on weddings, so good wedding purveyors are at a premium. Since I've catered a few weddings in my life, I know how stressful they can be. To be a good wedding person, you need to be patient, sensitive, firm but flexible, patient, compassionate, sensitive, loving, patient, charitable, easy going, indulgent, warm hearted, patient, understanding, and did I mention patient? If you possess these attributes and are not afraid to ask for a buck for your services, you will make some money in China.

And if you possess these attributes you could also be a great employer. The bosses were mingling all night, hugging and toasting everyone in sight. It was pretty cool to see in a place where employees are often treated like replaceable assets.

The highlight of the evening was a wedding fashion show. There were a couple of outfits that nudged the boundaries of tradition , but most were rather fringe like. There is little illegal drug use in China, but I couldn't help but think that what little there is must be concentrated in the wedding clothes design industry.

It doesn't Happen Here

2011-01-14T16:58:00.004+08:00

I was going to do a post on our New Year's eve activities, but the pictures are presently in Limbo. My Dell craptop with the break-o-matic lid and Vista inoperation system has taken a hard right off a cliff, along with most of my pictures of this year. Hopefully the data can at least be recovered, and who knows, maybe someone can make it run again. Meanwhile, I have my very trusty eeepc mini with good old XP, so I can keep a bloggin.

When you live in a foreign country it gives you an interesting perspective on your home turf. When a tragedy happens like the mass shooting in Tucson this week, people all over the world talk about it. We get occasional mass killings here, like the nutbags last Spring with big knives in the schools, but nothing quite compares to the big shootings that go on the USA. Since personal firearms are all but banned here, people ask me about them a lot, especially after such a horrendous episode. One man said, "Hasn't your government done something to restrict firearms?" Well, no. He was amazed to hear that you can buy a gun at Wal Mart, and that any adult with no criminal record can buy quite the legal arsenal. We both agreed that we were quite content with Chinese gun laws. I'd hate to see what kind of mischief this many people could cause with firearms. Just watch any John Woo film.

Approximately 80 people a day are killed with guns in the US every day. That's an impressive body count from over here, but doesn't even raise eyebrows back home. Not really a problem or a threat, I guess. On the other hand, the US is spending trillions, most of which is borrowed from my host country, to do battle against terrorism. 3,000 people died on 9/11, but around 29,000 died at the hands of fellow Americans last year and nothing is done about it, except the purchase of more guns.

I've owned and enjoyed guns in my life, and I'm not calling on any ban on most guns, but we could do a much better job of regulating weaponry and who can get their hands on them.

I'm looking forward to Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). There will be fireworks galore, rockets and firecrackers in the hands of the masses. I will be trying to explain to people how in the US you can buy a Glock with a 30 round magazine, but you can't buy firecrackers.

Christmas Party

2010-12-29T22:33:00.005+08:00

Are we the cutest kids in China?

A puzzle map of China, it's fun and educational.

Crap, Molly got the cool police car!

Dude, I got "The Duck"!

It's the Year of the Bunny!

Phone home.

Click the pix for larger picture.

On Christmas Day I introduced my rugrats to the joy and angst of the class Christmas party. I had them bring a present and we drew names, brought junk food, played Christmas music and had a jolly good time. I gave everyone a cute little Santa, and a Mom brought some great little blinky light buttons that made the kids look like ET.

The Chinese do not celebrate Christmas, although the merchants wish they did. I think I made a few converts to the commercial aspects of the day.

Top Ten

2010-12-28T10:34:00.003+08:00

OK, I finished the Top Ten Biggest Challenges Facing China in 2010. It looks backwards because this is a blog and I started with #10 and that got published first, which actually makes it last if you are just starting to read this. So if you want to read from 10 on down to 1, you will need to scroll down to 10 and read backwards.

You may ask, "What about pollution, North Korea, the lack of fortune cookies and other key issues? Why aren't they in this list?" I say, "If you want them in a list, make your own damn list!"

1. Bus Cooties

2010-12-28T10:25:00.007+08:00

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Yes, the #1 challenge to the modern Chinese citizen in 2010 is still the Bus Cootie. Most people will not sit in a bus seat that has just been vacated. They will feel it with their hands and hover over it waiting for it to cool and the cooties to dissipate. Bus cooties apparently are only transferred from a warm seat to another bottom. Apparently only Chinese people get bus cooties, since I always sit on a warm, freshly vacated bus seat and have never been infected.

2. Car Ownership

2010-12-21T11:10:00.004+08:00

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There are many advantages of owning a car in China:

1. It gives you big status and tremendous face.

2. You can honk whenever and at whoever you want.

3. The seats are comfortable, the tunes are nice and you have good air conditioning.

4. Ummmmmm......??? Er. something.

In the good old days, (6 or 7 years ago) people took public transportation, bicycles, taxis, motorbikes, or they walked wherever they needed to go. Now thanks to the New Prosperity, Chinese people are flocking in droves to new car dealers to spend inordinate amounts of their income on a new car. This allows them to learn how to drive an incredibly expensive vehicle while trying to negotiate 19th century street systems and a whole nation of amateur drivers. Once they have mastered the use of the horn, they are ready to enjoy the pleasures of 21st century Chinese driving. They can join their fellow rookies in stopping traffic while pulling out slowly into cockeyed intersections, honking, idling, waiting and searching for non existent parking places, spending all their extra cash on fuel, insurance and car washes, fixing dents, learning to shut off the alarm, honking, butting their way through crowded pedestrian walkways (a favorite face enhancer), idling, honking, and the all time favorite activity of the driver, getting out of and into the car in a public place so that people can see just how awesome you really are. Oh, did I mention honking?

3. Trash Receptacles

2010-12-21T10:49:00.008+08:00

Another major challenge to today's citizens of the Middle Kingdom is finding and using the trash can. Trash receptacles are as numerous as they are in most American cities, but littering is so much more invigorating here! Most of the plastic shopping bags are a bright orange/red that is quite festive when wafting on the breeze.

4. Motorcycle Dicks

2010-12-21T10:48:00.004+08:00

One of the biggest challenges to the modern Chinese citizen is to avoid being hit by the many dicks that drive motorcycles. These douchebags ignore traffic signals, traffic rules, common sense, courtesy, and most of the other norms that most humans throughout the world adhere to. Often their bikes have bad mufflers, blow blue clouds of smoke, have bald tires, no headlights, and shrill horns. They ride the wrong way, on sidewalks, through parks, and pass buses on the right as people are exiting and entering. They are a favorite getaway vehicle for common thieves. My teaching assistant told me that her husband used to be concerned when he saw a motorcycle accident, but now he just laughs.

5. English

2010-12-21T10:47:00.007+08:00

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God knows what kinds of horrors I've done to the language here, but still I loves me some Chinglish.

6. Privileged Class

2010-12-21T10:45:00.005+08:00

First read this story.

Privilege is everywhere is Chinese society. My school, even though it's the top academic school in the region has a fair number of rich boys who are neither smart or try hard. A few are disrespectful and disruptive. They are scattered in a few classes, and are not liked by the students whose classes they pollute. I have heard the Li Gang line from students regarding these kids.

Government officials, successful business people, and certain professionals are wealthy, and they like to flaunt it. They have expensive cars, lovely homes, and spiffy lifestyles. Commoners resent them, and the country could be in for trouble if the economy fails to lift everyone up financially.

7. Smoking

2010-12-21T10:44:00.006+08:00

Water pipes are a popular way to smoke in South China

From the World Health Organization:

About 67% of men smoke, and 4% of women.
Among youths, about a third of male teens smoke and nearly 8% of females.
One of every three cigarettes consumed worldwide is smoked in China.
Smoking will kill about a third of all young Chinese men alive (under 30 years).
About 3,000 people die every day in China due to smoking.
There are more than 300 million Chinese smokers - more than the entire US population. They consume an estimated 1.7 trillion cigarettes per year - or 3 million cigarettes every minute.
China is the world's largest tobacco producer, accounting for about a quarter of the global tobacco leaf production.
China used to be closed to tobacco multinationals. But in the last two decades, with the opening up of the Chinese economy, multinationals have been aggressively fighting for a piece of the Chinese market, seen as a "prize" market.
In 1990, 68% of male physicians were smokers and 65% of teachers.
Smoking contributes to four of the five leading causes of death in China today.
In 1993, WHO estimated that while China gained $5 billion in tobacco taxes, the country lost $7.8 billion in productivity and additional health care costs.
A study in Minhang district found smokers spent an average of 60% of their personal income and 17% of household income on cigarettes.
In Hong Kong, tobacco companies spent an estimated $63 million on all forms or advertising and promotion in 1995.

9. Dorky Hats

2010-12-21T10:43:00.020+08:00

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As you can see, dorky hats are a tradition that go back thousands of years in this country. An ancient saying goes: "A stupid hat hides a clever mind." The higher in rank in society, the goofier the headgear. You knew who was in charge, you just looked for the biggest doof in the room.

Today, you would never see Hu Jintao in such headgear, because he is a modern man with great hair. However, one need go no further than outside one's door to see the masses trying their best to show great face with bad hats.

8. Dogs as Food

2010-12-21T10:43:00.019+08:00

OK, People, the famines are over, so stop doing this!

Ten Biggest Challenges Facing China 2010

2010-12-21T10:41:00.004+08:00

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There are many challenges facing China as they make the rapid ascent from backwater Communist giant to leader of Capitalism in Asia. 2010 brought many challenges to the People here as they make the transition. I thought I would make a compilation of what I consider the the 10 biggest hurdles still facing the folks here.

10. Public Restrooms

China has a reputation with foreign travelers as having what could be considered challenging comfort facilities. Toilets in homes are always clean and sanitary, but when going out into the world you face everything from spotless modern restrooms to an overflowing bucket behind a corrugated tin fence. Some you have to pay to use, and are generally good, You always want to bring toilet paper, though, and if you are really concerned about hygiene, better bring some hand soap.

School restrooms are the biggest surprise. You would think parents would want their kids, the single receptacle of all their expectations and dreams, to have a sanitary place to take care of business. Somehow, the great love for their children does not translate into a fresh place to tinkle. Tinkle is pervasive essence emanating from the open doorways. If they did not have open doorways children would perish from ammonia asphyxiation. Perhaps they keep them in this condition so that blind students do not have trouble finding them.

Christmas Thoughts

2010-12-20T15:39:00.003+08:00

Click cartoon to see the whole thing.
Christmas is coming up in a mere five days, but the vibe is definitely lacking here. You can go into our supermarket and hear Christmas songs, and all the workers have Santa hats on, but not a whole lot of people really celebrate the day. My middle school students have school that day! It's a lot like Chinese New Year in Tulsa. It's a big deal for the Chinese living there, but you can't get fireworks.

I got a nice little fake tree, and cute stuffed Santa, but there is no egg nog and I can't find wrapping paper anywhere. My wife insists on seeing what the presents are right away, so there is nothing under the tree. I have been able to make a nice hot Christmas drink with Chinese brandy and Nestle's Milo, though.

We do have some interesting plans for the holiday, though. I received a couple of extra days off so I have a four day holiday. I normally teach the rugrats all day on Saturdays, but have decided to have a Christmas party for them on Christmas morning. We will draw names for gifts, eat yummy treats and play some games. Christmas dinner is at the nicest hotel in town which has a great banquet that includes all the turkey, ham and imported cheeses you can eat. All the foreigners show up, so it makes for a pretty festive evening.

One of the great things about Christmas here, is making do with what you have. We enjoy our loved ones here and miss our loved ones back in the US. The holiday is much simpler, but the love is just as strong.

Morning Tea

2010-12-14T09:07:00.005+08:00

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Morning Tea is the local equivalent to going out for brunch. Instead of Eggs Benedict, quiche or omelettes we have a huge a selection of steamed and braised morsels. And of course, we have tea. The goodies can be steamed buns with sweet or savory filling, dumplings, little pork ribs, chicken feet braised in a sweet broth, and yummy little pastries. Of course the boorish English dude brought a paper cup of McDonald's coffee.

December Birthdays

2010-12-14T08:48:00.003+08:00

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We had a four way birthday party on the fifth at Forest Park, the place with the great BBQ chicken. It was a sunny afternoon with temperatures in the high 70's. It was a very international crowd with about thirty French, British, Australian, Canadian, American, Chinese and Vietnamese revelers enjoying an afternoon of good food, beer and cake.

Chinese cakes are lovely works of art covering generic sponge cake with yummy fillings. No Devil's food here.

Teacher Habitat

2010-12-10T21:32:00.005+08:00

One of the "bonuses" of my job is a free apartment next to the middle school. It's a small 2 bedroom furnished flat that dates back to more Communist times. The beds are OK and it has air conditioning, a stove, and a washing machine. The bathroom cries for new tile, and paint. Most of the windows are modernish with screens, but the doors are ancient wooden things that might look trendy on a Marin County outbuilding. There are geckos and gecko sized roaches that show themselves at night briefly when you turn on a light. The roaches are kept in check with Chinese Raid sprayed monthly down the floor drains.

I have rarely used this apartment for anything other than a place to spend my two and a half hour lunch time. It's a cool haven where I can shower, eat and have a nap. I keep it as clean as conditions allow, and the neighborhood is quietly inhabited with the students and minions of the school. When lightbulbs go out, or leaks happen in the "plumbing" I call my supervisor, who gets the school maintenance guys in, and things get fixed.

My schedule this semester is less commuter friendly, with very early classes and long days. Because of this, I've taken to staying a few nights a week there. It seemed like an OK alternative to commuting after extra long days in the classroom.

A common plumbing technique in older buildings is to use flex hose for drain pipes. They go straight to a floor drain. The floor drain may have a cover and be inside a catch basin, or it may just be a hole with the pipe going into it. In my kitchen I have the latter. The diameter of the hose is smaller than the hole, and a couple of months ago I heard a rustling in the wastebasket. When I went to investigate, a grey furry streak came out and straight for the floor drain. Oh boy, rats! Wastebasket outside, all food into the fridge, call my boss.

The next day, I came back from class to check on any work done and saw that someone had placed a brick over half the hole, leaving a rat sized gap on either size of flex hose. At least no over sized rats could get in now.

Keeping food and trash out of reach seemed to keep the rodents from making a home in my home away from home (away from home?). However, they were make occasional forays into the apartment as evidenced by a random rat turd here or there. A second request for a drain repair was followed by a second brick which covered one of the rat sized holes. The school appeared to be sending a mason to do a plumber's job.

When I found rat shit in my bed, I went sideways and demanded a proper repair to my problem. One of the journeymen showed up with a strip of galvanized sheet metal which he indicated was going to go across the base of my bedroom door to decrease the gap so rats couldn't get into the bedroom. Apparently he considered rats in the rest of the house was an acceptable condition. Maybe he enjoyed a rodent dim sum roll on Sundays, but I was having none of it. I took him into the kitchen and demanded he do something about the main access. After lots of gesturing to the hole, and frequent repetition of the mandarin word "rat" (which is just a slight tone different from the word "teacher") we started puzzling over how he could fix it without going to a hardware store to get the proper materials to effect a repair. He pulled a pair of tin snips and a hole punch from his tool bag and manufactured a screen for the hole, which he pounded into place. It works to keep the rats out, and water goes down OK, although it will need to be cleaned periodically. In some ways I admire this guy's insistence on using at hand materials and utilizing a Chinese version of Okie engineering, but on the other hand, a properly repaired drain in the first place has its appeal.

China is referred to as an "emerging country" instead of a "third world country". The difference is sometimes a little vague, and sometimes you see that some areas need more emerging.

How Bad Can It Get?

2010-12-05T12:22:00.003+08:00

It's been over a month since the US had its midterm elections. The American electorate replaced a bunch of lawmakers who were incapable of fixing the economy with different lawmakers who won't fix the economy either. When people here ask me why the US is struggling economically I tell them that in China the government controls the banks, and in America the banks control the government.

Democracy does not work well when so the electorate is apathetic, uninformed, and gullible. You end up with a substandard group of venal, cynical, and corrupt officials who are for sale to the highest bidder. High unemployment, massive home foreclosures, unaffordable heath care, endless unwinnable wars, rising poverty, crumbling infrastructure and crushing debt seem to have become an entrenched part of the American way of life. Meanwhile the mega wealthy see their fortunes increase thanks to thier enablers, all legally elected by the very people they are screwing.

There are plenty of problems here in China: poverty, pollution and overpopulation to name a few. However, nearly everyone's standard of living has improved, and most likely will continue to improve. And in contrast to the US, most Chinese are optimistic about the future.

Columnist Tom Friedman is a pretty big China cheerleader. He often paints a rosier picture of China than what is actually happening, but he recently wrote a pretty spot on piece in the November 30 New York Times.

The recurring theme he keeps going back to in his columns is how the Chinese are doing the things that our country could be doing. Here are a few:

1. They are not embroiled in 2 unwinnable wars, and they spend a fraction of what we do on the military.

2. They control the banking system. When real estate prices have risen too quickly due to speculation, they have required banks to loan only on primary residences. This along with other lending restrictions has done a lot to cool the real estate market and prevent a dangerous bubble.

3. The government has been making a massive investment in infrastructure.

4. The government is investing in green technology, both in research and manufacturing.

5. The government taxes enough to pay its way.

Sadly, the US government seems to think that high unemployment is a problem that they will not be able to fix any time in the near future, the near future being a relative number anywhere between 5 to 50 years.

Fall Foliage

2010-11-23T09:18:00.004+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

It's snowing in the Pacific Northwest. In South China it has been in the mid to high 70's. Here are some of the Autumn colors from our local waterfront park.

Crime in The Middle Kingdom

2010-11-21T15:26:00.003+08:00

Dead Guy under the tarp on the left.

Zip tied, bagged and shoeless, ready for booking.

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As we were strolling to the local big box store the other day we noticed that traffic had stopped moving. A police van full of cops whizzed by in the motorbike lane, and we soon came upon a crowd that was gaping at something across the street. We had come upon a major crime scene!

According to the newspapers, 4 men from Guangzhou were stealing motorcycles from the pay to park area. While one distracted the attendant, the others were busting the locks and loading the bikes into their van. An alert cop saw what was going and went to stop them. One of the men pulled a knife and was shot dead. The others surrendered, preferring to take their chances with Chinese prison.

I took some photos of the scene, which made me feel a little bit journalistic. The police didn't seem to mind the tall white dude shooting shots over the crowd, and there was a news team from the TV station on the scene.

There is little violent crime here, but lately there has been a lot of motorcycle theft. Sometimes it happens late at night at knife point. There are 4 fewer guys making a living at it now.

Ducks in China

2010-11-12T09:03:00.003+08:00

Sports are very popular in China. They love basketball, ping pong, soccer, badminton, volleyball, gymnastics and all Olympic events. I wanted to introduce American football to my students. No sport is a better reflection of our national character.

It has complex rules and penalties that are constantly changing. It's violent, yet graceful. It can be very creative. It's brutish, yet the players must be intelligent enough to master its complexities. If you don't like an official's call, you can appeal it. It's a thrilling spectacle, just like the US.

The University of Oregon is blessed with the finest football team in its history. It's undefeated at this writing and possesses the most thrilling offensive unit in football. As a lifelong Duck fan I have been following their glory as best as I can from afar. It can be challenging. It isn't televised here so I am reliant on the internet. ESPN.com has a cute little graphic gamecast that gives you a play by play as it happens, and if you are lucky has some video replay. I also found a great blog site, Winesfamily.blogspot.com which has great Youtube recaps that they have made.

I have used these 10 minute recaps in my classes as the Great Leap Forward in football education. What better way to expose these kids to Great American Sport than to show them the lightening fast pummeling that Daren Thomas and LaMichael James give the unfortunate oppositions. To my joyous surprise cheers came with every good play, and Asian Duck mania occurred during the big plays.

There are now 2,000 more Duck fans in the People's Republic.

The Red Armadillo

2010-10-17T20:28:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

If you have been living in China in a city like ours for any length of time, you get a hankering for a real hamburger, a real pizza and some Mexican food. Lucky for us we were staying with my old college pal, Paul and his family at their restaurant, The Red Armadillo. It's a converted hostel across the street from the beach and it's a little bit of food heaven for the expats in that city.

The fare is basic and very good. Charbroiled burgers, enchiladas, nachos, chili, fries, and pizza. We ate it all, including double bacon cheese burgers.

The customers are an eclectic mix of Chinese, expats, and tourists. I met a Chinese guy from the Philippines who grew up in Los Angeles, an unhappy ex real estate broker from Boston who was working for an export business, and a mess of local Xiamen Chinese.

It was worth the 18 hour bus ride just to have the burger.

Big Day on Gulangyu

2010-10-17T19:56:00.004+08:00

Modern Boat People

Welcoming Committee. Actually they are very helpful with the elderly and little ones during the hectic disembarkation.

These crowds can be avoided.

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No trip to Xiamen is complete without a trip to the island of Gulangyu. It's a place very unique to China since virtually all vehicles including bicycles are banned. You can read a little about the history here. It's very charming, even during holiday times, when the island is mobbed with thousands of tourists. I'm sure the locals lie low, except for the ones selling stuff. You can buy pearls, Taiwanese cigarettes, dorky hats, seashells, excellent Fujian tea, dried fish, fresh squeezed juice, and all kinds of cheap Chinese souvenirs.

We had a grand time, and look forward to returning at hopefully a more quiet time.

Some Sights on Gulangyu

2010-10-17T19:06:00.007+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

During the course of a lovely day, we wandered the narrow streets of this island, enjoying the architecture, and avoiding as best we could the masses. It's actually not that difficult, as long as you stay clear of the main thoroughfares.

There are a couple of exceptions to the no vehicle rule. One are electric carts that seat about 20 folks who are either too old or lazy to get about on foot. They are only slightly annoying and make their presence known with an electronic version of "Jingle Bells" constantly playing. I heard that they had to lobby pretty hard to get these, and I saw few elderly folks on them. They were mostly people who seemed to get some kind of face enhancement by cruising by the unwashed masses while one of the top 5 worst Christmas songs ever is playing over and over.

There are nice bronze statues throughout the city depicting life in the past: gamblers, peasants and manly warriors. There is also a wonderful temple complex.

Hotels were booked up for the holiday, but we checked the rates and most were quite reasonable. This would be a very nice place to stay during a non holiday time. Too bad holidays are the only time I'm off work.

Hats

2010-10-17T18:27:00.004+08:00

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One of the more lucrative trades on Gulangyu is the selling of dorky hats to the tourists. Especially fetching are the faux cowboy hats.

Wax Works

2010-10-17T18:21:00.006+08:00

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We just had to get our pictures taken with the Dick Taters

Antiquities Museum

2010-10-17T16:34:00.005+08:00

This saddle was used as a punishment device for unfaithful wives.

Opium paraphenalia

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This museum had some old stuff, the usual ceramics and a few paintings, but it had a great tribute to hedonism of old including opium gear, porn and some stone age type sex toys

Sea Worm Jello

2010-10-17T16:28:00.003+08:00

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Here is a great lunch. Sea worms in a gelatin with soy sauce and wasabe. That and some fish ball soup was some good eatin'!

Aviary

2010-10-17T16:17:00.004+08:00

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There is a nice aviary with a wonderful variety of exotic birds living without fear of being eaten. The high point was a performance by cockatoos and parrots. We only caught the end of the show, but we saw the birds fly out into the crowd and collect money. They are taught to differentiate between denominations. People were instructed to hold up a one yuan note and one of greater value. The birds always grabbed the big ones! They only had them do it a few times. Had I been the trainers, I would have continued this until the rubes had been cleaned out.

Sunlight Rock

2010-10-17T15:12:00.006+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Sunlight Rock is the highest point on Gulangyu Island. It offers a breathtaking view and is an excellent way to enjoy the holiday crowd. We took a tram across, then queued up along with a couple of thousand others to take the slow ascent to the top. Fortunately there were soldiers and police officers that keep things orderly and moving along.

Xiamen

2010-10-12T10:56:00.004+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Xiamen is located on an island in the province of Fujian. Since tons of information is available I'm not going to get redundant so you can read about it here.

It shares some similarities with my home city in that they are both are seaside cities that have similar climates, but the differences were more pronounced. The biggest difference is that Xiamen is much better looking. It has been rated the cleanest city in China by the Chinese government for several years. There is a big effort by all to make it this way. There are public service ads encouraging civic pride and cleanliness. Motorcycles have been all but banned (a big source of air and noise pollution). There is a large foreign population, estimated at around 5,000 due to its big port, its proximity to Taiwan, and the presence of many foreign firms. So it is a fairly wealthy city. Most of the buildings I saw were newer and in good shape. Streets and sidewalks are wide and in excellent repair. Lovely parks abound.

One of the nicest features I found were the lack of blaring horns. There is a 50 RMB fine for honking your horn. This has not seemed to have handicapped the local drivers at all and they seem to be able to get from home to their destination without the need of this vital driving tool that is so essential to the Zhanjiang driving population.

We stayed with an old college friend of mine at his place across from the beach. The beach is small, and covered at high tide, but there is a boardwalk along much of it, although it suffered in a recent typhoon. There is an outdoor theater, with traditional shows nightly. We enjoyed a nice opera performance, although I had no idea what was going on, not unlike western operas.

The locals enjoy a better standard of living than most, with good wages and reasonable housing costs. They have a laid back attitude, and have a great pride in where they live. After a few days in Xiamen, I found I could envision myself living there too.

Sleeper Bus

2010-10-07T16:11:00.003+08:00

Guangdong people can sleep anywhere.

We need more crab in the hold!

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Sleeper buses are a conveyance here in China that give the impression that when you book one, you will be reclining in comfort, and then sleeping in a prone position during the night, rather than upright getting a kink in your neck. Having taken these beasts before on an 8 hour trip, I knew this not to be true but we booked one anyway on our trip to Xiamen, since we knew that it would be a minimum 12 hour trip (plus there are no other direct buses).

Sleeper buses have three rows of two tiered bunks running the length of their rather tall selves. You get a blanket and pillow, and a little rack to put your personal belongings on. You remove your shoes upon entering and place them in a plastic bag which conveniently hangs on the little knob on the rack. There is a restroom with a squatty potty in the rear, and video screens for entertainment.

I understand the beds are quite comfortable if you are under five and a half feet tall and weigh less than 100 lbs, otherwise you don't quite fit on the 66 inch by 20 inch platform. You also need bound feet in order to fit them under the little gear platform. It's not completely hopeless if you are 6 feet tall since you can curl up on your side, or lie on your back with knees raised. You can also use your blanket for extra padding in order to sit semi upright. It's something akin to laying down in the back seat of a Corolla. It's not bad if you want to read or watch a movie, although most of the offerings are Chinese, so it's best to bring your own on a laptop.

I knew the 12 hour trip would take longer since this was a major holiday, National Day, but they managed to exceed my wildest expectations in this matter. The bus left promptly at its announced time of 11:45 am, and immediately detoured from the normal freeway route to take the more scenic coastal drive. This enabled the bus to stop frequently to wait 20 minutes for late passengers in every farming berg and to take on cargo too. The novelty of the various rural bus stops and quaint stations wore off after about the tenth stop, and no one was ever on time. After about four hours, we were only about 120km down the road, when we finally got on the freeway, although they did manage a couple of more stops to stuff some more cargo into the holds. I had to admire the way they maximized profits on this trip.

We had a dinner stop at 5, then on to Xiamen, ETA now 6 am. After about 10:30 or so I managed to fall asleep. However, passengers soon began to get off at other obscure stops which were announced by the chubby, shirtless "conductor" who used his foghorn voice to inform the entire bus of whatever cow town or toll station a certain passenger needed to get off at. They would often be replaced by another, who then was yelled at by the "conductor" until he or she figured out what space they were supposed to occupy. This, combined with the cramped bed, gave a night's rest somewhat akin to to that of parents of a croupy infant.

The trip back home a few days later was similar, although they brought on more passengers and less cargo. These unfortunates got to sit on the floor, and one guy got to sit in front of the bathroom so he got to get up every time somebody wanted to use it, enabling him to keep from getting too cramped. Our "conductor" was the same guy as on the previous trip, but he decided he needed some help keeping everyone awake, and played at loud volume some very shitty Chinese cartoons, and old comedies that featured shrill voices from nearly every character, shrill voices being an integral part of bad Chinese comedy. He kept this crap going until about 11:30, and I found that my earplugs did little more than prevent damage from excessive volume.

The only thing that made this trip more tolerable, was the fact that it only took 16 and half hours instead of 18.

Sleeper bus is a bit of an oxymoron, but in our case it was the quickest way, other than flying, for us to get to our destination. If you are short, have earplugs, liquor and Vicodin this is not a bad way to travel. You are intimate with your traveling companions, and you develop a great appreciation for just about anything that isn't cramped.

Best and Brightest

2010-09-28T07:54:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

I am back in the classrooms with a vengeance. My first series of lessons have been pronunciation of the "ARRRRR" sound, idioms, and a presentation on American high schools. The high school talk stresses the many differences in the two systems, and always gets me thinking about what each country could emulate from the other to improve what they have.

One of the things China does differently is to rank its schools. I teach at the #1 Middle School. It's called that because it is the top school, and has the top students in the region. Kids come from all over and live in the dorms here. Competition is fierce, and the workload is staggering. They are motivated by each other, family, teachers and the desire to do well in life. They are divided into classes according to test scores, and remain in that particular class for the school year. There are 39 classes of about 50-55 students in the sophomore class. Virtually all of their lessons are held in these classrooms. Here, the teacher is homeless, we go to the students. They develop a bond with their classmates, and each becomes its own unique community. Each student has their own desk, a place to study and keep their piles of books. The rooms soon become cluttered with plastic bins, since the desks aren't big enough to hold all these learning materials.

The advantage of this system is obvious. Your elite students are all together getting the best education they can get. They are all motivated, they compete, they help each other, and they have access to the best resources available. It's a giant nerdfest, without the disruptive lowlifes that can make life miserable for the brainy kids.

Having a set classroom creates a sense of community and family in what would otherwise be an isolating environment.

The schools here, even the elite ones don't come close to having the resources that American schools have. The classes are huge, they lack labs, computers, music, arts, and many of the creature comforts. The fun factor is very low. There are definite weaknesses in areas like creativity and self confidence, but they are very strong in math and the sciences, better than the US.

I read an interesting opinion piece last month that talked about the lack of motivation in too many American high school students, and how maybe the schools are not completely to blame.

Americans could do a much better job in encouraging bright students to do their best, and it might not be a bad idea to consider starting regional schools for its best and brightest kids. Too many are languishing.

Mid Autumn Festival

2010-09-18T20:32:00.003+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Mid Autumn Festival is coming up this week. We are already eating lots of moon cake. It falls on the full moon, which is Wednesday. It's a genuine traditional holiday, and virtually everyone outside of retail and hospitality industries take the day off. We also get an additional two days off from school, and many get the same thing from work.

But here's the rub:

Most of us have to work on Sunday and next Saturday to make up for the extra two days off! Basically they move your days off around and call them a "holiday". This doesn't seem to bother most people, just us spoiled foreigners. We are planning to go to our favorite beach so we can get a room and enjoy the full moon by the sea. Unfortunately, there is a typhoon coming into the region the day before. The moon may be a little scarce, and the crab shack may blow down again.

Some Hong Kong

2010-09-15T22:41:00.007+08:00

We didn't stay here.

Mmmmmmmmm!

My kinda town!

The lovely view from The Frog Arms Hotel

Jackie Chan has big hands!

Click the pix for larger picture.

Long time no write. We went to the US for a family and loved ones visit. It was nice. The home country is much cleaner, and the nights are noticeably cooler. People stop at the lights, and there are just a whole lot fewer people.

We flew out of Hong Kong. We took a bus there and spent the night. Our fun filled evening was marred by torrential rains which managed to soak us in spite of umbrellas. We did have a great seafood meal in a crowded little place that was frequented by both locals and foreigners.

Hong Kong different in many significant ways from the mainland.

It's cleaner. People don't litter like they do in China, and debris is cleaned up from construction projects in a timely manner. It's also more orderly. There are no motorcycles on the sidewalks and in the crosswalks. There are actually few motorcycles. Horns are not constantly blaring.

They drive on the wrong side of the road, just like the British.

There are tons of non Chinese folks. There are lots of white folks, Africans, Indians and Pakistanis, especially in Kowloon. I saw my first Ninja suited Muslim woman there.

On our return trip we spent two nights there, since we arrived late at night. The next day we went to the Museum of Art which has a fine collection of Chinese art from all eras. I couldn't help but wonder how much was destroyed in the mainland during the Cultural Revolution.

We also went to the Hong Kong Avenue of the Stars, which is the tribute to all the great Hong Kong actors, and is along the water front.

Hong Kong is expensive compared to the rest of Southeast Asia, about what you would expect to spend in the US. After my budget trips to this city, I decided to upgrade a bit in the lodging. We stayed in two different places that had a similar price range, about twice as much as the backpacker/third world/cubbyhole that I stayed in before. Both were well worth the extra dough. One had a much larger room with free breakfast and a view of the crappy building across the street. The other had a small, but nice room with a great view of the bay and an expensive breakfast. It was French owned.

A Westerner who wants to travel in China might want to consider going to Hong Kong first. It's a good way to ease yourself into the Middle Kingdom. People speak English, they have English menus, rules are followed, and you can get pizza.

The Day After

2010-07-23T18:56:00.004+08:00

Across the street from our apartments

Got out of the bus stop in time.

Safety first!

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Typhoons are basically the same type of tropical storm as a hurricane, but the name sounds a lot cooler*. Ours was short and nasty. As natural disasters go, it was small potatoes in a country where Nature can run amok, taking out entire cities and provinces. It did merit a story in the China Daily, though.

After a night of heavy rain and thunder, the morning arrived gently. It was overcast, calm and pleasant. There was just a big mess, like the gods had a big frat house party, and left it for the cleaning lady. There were signs down, broken windows, and shredded vinyl adhesive signs. The worst casualties were the trees. One of the things I love about this city are the tree lined streets. They keep everything cooler, and make walking a pleasure, in spite of spastic motorcyclists. They were uprooted and busted up pretty badly. Fortunately, they do recover quickly in this subtropical climate. They will most likely be looking better within a year.

There were lots of people out cleaning up the debris today, and by the afternoon the branches and other debris were piled to the edges of the streets, side streets and sidewalks.

*Well, maybe not. Rubin "Typhoon" Carter?? It would have made that Dylan song a lot clumsier. He would have had to insert an awkward syllable: "This is the story of the Tyeyephoon......."

Like Noah

2010-07-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

9:00pm
RAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAINRAIN

Dark and Stormy Day

2010-07-22T15:33:00.003+08:00

3:30 It's dark outside, and the wind has died down. It is raining like the proverbial cow. If I needed a shower, I could walk outside buck nekkid and go about my business because nobody is out there. If they were, they would be too be too absorbed in whatever weird motivation brought them out.

I thought about going out for the novel experience, but I don't think the novelty is worth leaving the apartment for. I mean my camera would be ruined in a matter of minutes, so what's the point, and I'd just be wading in ankle deep, and deeper, in water that has come flooding up from God knows where. Better to stay put.

5:00 pm rainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrainrain.

Just what flood ravaged China needs! However, inspiring words are on the way in this piece in the People's Daily newspaper. It's a bit of a WTF piece, but does give a poke at corrupt, greedy city officials.

Still Typhoonating

2010-07-22T15:03:00.003+08:00

I can't nap. It's too exciting! Actually it's just dark, wet and windy. I think anything that was going to blow down or away has done so at this point.

I just thought about our favorite seafood restaurant, the crab shack on Nansan Island. They said it always blows down in a typhoon, and they have to reconstruct it. The main kitchen is brick, but the rest is bamboo, eucalyptus poles and sheet metal. They should have it back up within a week or two, I expect.

Shaolin Pencil Sharpening

2010-07-22T14:50:00.004+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

A blogger and author I enjoy, David Rees has recently started an Artisanal Pencil Sharpening business. He sent an announcement via email, and I replied:

I have posted this to my Facebook page. I am extremely popular with hundreds of wealthy people who value hand crafted artisan thingies so I think that you will find great success soon.

Since I live in China, I have my own personal pencil sharpening child, who is apprenticed to an aged Shaolin master sharpener. The child is 12 now, but has been studying with the Master since age 3. He rises at 4 every morning and is put through a rigorous 6 hours of meditation, finger strengthening, and kung fu before breakfast, then another 6 hours of running while holding a 50 kg log. In the evening he spends 8 hours practicing the 51 step pencil mysteries. He sleeps on a bed of broken practice pencils. He sharpens the pencils with his fingernails. It is said that the Master can sharpen a pencil with his eyelid.

My Shaolin boy is the one on the right, in the stance he uses when holding a pencil with his foot for the Master to sharpen with his ear.

My boy comes to my home before dinner each day and sharpens my collection in exchange for a bowl of rice and an English lesson. He has mastered the phrases: "Hello. You look handsome today, and your wife is beautiful and obedient", "You are so generous!", "I'm not worthy to sharpen such fine pencils".

Like nearly everything the Chinese do, if it does not cause pain and suffering it is not worth doing.

I admire the traditional American ways, satisfaction from a job well done for good pay.

Good luck in your venture and may great wealth find its way to you.

Marshall

More Typhoon

2010-07-22T13:58:00.003+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

I'm sitting comfortably at my desk with nature running amok outside. I keep waiting for the tree outside to snap. I hope it doesn't! Sheet metal flying by, now that could mess a person up. We have beer in the fridge, vodka, and monopoly. Quality family time!

It's a little mellower out there now. Maybe we are in the storm's center. Ooops, wrong there! More gusts and lots of rain. Dude across the way is losing some sheet metal, but somehow his pants are hanging on.

An enterprising recycler is out there picking up sheet metal. Good money if it doesn't decapitate you!

I tried to load some video on here, but no luck. Stupid website.

Time for a nap.

Typhoon Chanthu

2010-07-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Tropical Storm Chanthu became Typhoon Chanthu and is just now slamming us. It was raining and getting breezy this morning when I went to teach. The warnings were there for all to see, a big old circular thingie on the the radar map coming right this way.

By the end of the second class, it was raining pretty well and the wind was picking up. It seemed like a good idea to me to cancel the second class but the boss wanted to soldier on. Hey, it's China, Long March and all!

By the end of the second class, the wind was howling and it was raining sideways. Well, at least it's not cold! My assistant is a student from the Guangdong Ocean University. The campus is a one hour public bus ride outside of town. I offered to let her come stay with us, but she said she would try to make it back to campus.

I tightened the strap on my hat to maximum pain setting, and ducked out into the fun. I could try to catch a cab, or the bus.

There wasn't a lot of traffic, and every taxi had a fare, as I made my way to the covered bus stop. By hunkering down behind the wall of the shelter, I was able to get less wet, as palm branches and plastic bags went whipping by. I poked my hand out whenever I saw a cab, but they were all occupied with luckier refugees than me. My normally optimistic attitude was taking some time off. What if my bus didn't make it? This isn't even the main part of the storm, and it's a 40 minute walk home on a nice day! Another 15 minutes of this, and the novelty may start to wear off. Oh, good here comes the bus! I got on with the last person at the stop. I found out later, this was one of the last buses running.

Since our apartment is by the sea, it's always windier. Windy enough to blow over a sanmo, if you check my spiffy cell phone photo above which I bravely took from a doorway as I made my way back home. By utilizing the leeward side of a couple of buildings I was only exposed to flying debris for a couple of minutes.

I'm home, my assistant vainly tried to catch her bus, then a taxi to our place. By then all the buses were done and the taxis weren't coming to our neighborhood, since it gets kind of floody on the way. She had a thrilling time getting soaked and scared until she finally located the Boss's home and he took her in. Now I can stop worrying and enjoy the storm.

A concrete building on the fourth floor is a pretty good place to be, especially since the wind is blowing parallel to our windows.

We've lost our water, but still have electricity, so I can keep going here.

Perfect Little People

2010-07-20T17:39:00.005+08:00

Click the pix for larger picture.

Today I finished most of my summer English classes for the 4 and 5 year old grandchildren of the Cultural Revolution. I'll resume this September. I gave assessments to the parents, which I was a little dubious about. There are a couple of boys who sit like perfect little students for the 25 minute lesson block and participate beautifully. The rest act in various degrees of little kidness. Some are on task for 10 minutes or longer on some days, other days they fidget, fuss, day dream, pigtail pulling, eye poking, jumping up, and any variation of naughtiness that little kids can do when forced to sit for too long. When we began these classes they were 45 minutes long, but the parents insisted we stretch them to 90 minutes, three 25 minutes lessons with a 5 minute break. The reality is that on a good day, there is about 30 to 40 minutes of successful language indoctrination, and the rest is songs, cartoons, and other activities.

We do lots of creative things to get the English into their little brains, which are very absorbent when the timing is right.

A couple of the kids are spoiled and have no sense of boundaries. Young, modern Chinese parents can be overly permissive.

In spite of everything, they have learned a lot. They know more now than most of the kids I taught in the primary schools last year. Overall, it's been very successful. These kids do spend 10 months out of the year in kindergarten, from 8 am to 5 pm with a 3 hour break at midday. I'm sure a lot of it is organized play, and video watching, too.

They are almost all very bright, information which I shared with the parent. Then came the fun part.

Here is what I wanted to say:

"Your kid is just a little kid, for Chrissake!!! It's not natural for him/her to sit still for 90 minutes like some miniature college student and become fluent in a completely foreign tongue. He/she needs to be outside running around getting dirty and catching bugs! Let him/her have some time to play with some other kids so he/she knows how to share, interact, and solve conflicts. Stop burdening him/her with all your expectations and unfulfilled dreams. Not yet, at least."

What I actually said varied from kid to kid, of course. The good kids were easy, and the parents lit up like only a proud parent can. Since they all learned the lessons, they all got good reviews. I told the parents to take them to the park and let them run around more, a lot more! Especially the boy who stares into space with his hands down his pants, and then runs around shrieking like a maniac at break time. He needs lots of play time.

I told them to not expect so much from them, and that little kids develop at different speed. Lighten up, folks! They're all perfect just like they are.

Cultural Revolution

2010-07-18T22:37:00.004+08:00

The Cultural Revolution was a ten year period lasting from 1966 until Mao's death in 1976. It was an epic effort to create a society of same thinking conformists. The manual for this exercise in mass insanity was Mao's Red Book of fantasy living. It was a brutal and incredibly destructive time. It also was an epic failure in its efforts to create the perfect People's Utopian Collective Hive of Happy Drones.

The people empowered to carry out this insanity were rabid, brainwashed students. These people are now roughly my age. In looking around at my contemporaries here, I see nobody in Mao suits. Everyone has a job, and is doing everything they can to achieve capitalistic financial success. People have cars, TV's, internet, and credit cards. They play Mahjong and seek out hookers. Fashion is in style! Mao's teachings are not taught in school, and he is basically relegated to founding father status.

Click the pick for larger view

If anything says Epic Fail of The Cultural Revolution than the above billboard I don't know what does. It is an advertisement for a local hospital that specializes in sex change operations.

Dirty Harriet

2010-07-13T21:38:00.004+08:00

This incident happened in the neighborhood near the bus and train stations in Guangzhou where we have stayed before. The video is here. I doubt I'll be staying near there again.