Saturday, February 20, 2010

Bus Tales

The other day I was making a short bus trip. The front of the bus has three seats along the walls, facing each other. I managed to snag one of these seats. A couple of stops later, a lot of people were getting on, including a woman with a young baby in a front carrier. I got up and offered my seat. While she was handing bags to her friend, and adjusting the baby preparing to seat herself, a man slid into the empty seat. Even though I don't speak the local dialect, Leizhouwa, I didn't need to in order to understand the ensuing excitement.
Her friend began to ream the guy in a voice that the whole bus could hear. I'm sure it went something like this: "You fat assed dick! My friend has a brand new baby, and this foreign barbarian had the decency to give her his seat, and you take it like some dog! I feel sorry for your wife, because you have to be the biggest @%$#@!!!!! in China! Aiyah!" All the while the guy got very red, and tried to offer the seat. "No way is my friend going to sully her ass with your bad butt cooties, you piece of cack! Aiyah!" It was very entertaining to everyone. Another lady offered her seat, and another guy offered me his seat, which I refused, indicating that I was getting off at the next stop.
Mommy took her new seat, and I watched the jerk who was glumly searching the floor in vain for his missing face.